B.O.M.M.

Moving Day, 2

2010-06-11T20:25:00.001-05:00

In case you still check this occasionally, I'm over here now.

Moving Day

2010-01-20T18:05:00.002-06:00

Friends,

BOMM has been good to us all, but we're moving over to new digs. Why? Well, partly because since I rarely talk mustache anymore, maybe it's time to quit pretending to the mustache throne.
And also, I think, because I'm a little bored with this one.

So, here's the link to where I'll be.

Slender Volume.

I'm still moving into that space so excuse the mess for now and I have limited access to the internet, so it's going to be a slow process, believe me.

Also, I will not close out BOMM because for some reason 18 posts of mine didn't import over to SL, and I don't know which ones. Plus, it fucked up a lot of my pictures. So if you're looking for old posts, look here. If you're looking for new content, please, follow the link.

Thanks all. See you on the other platform.

Mustache of All Years

2009-12-31T16:15:00.002-06:00

Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain.
Literature professor.
War hero.

viva el mustache

Keeper

2009-12-21T08:30:00.003-06:00

Friends,

I've sort of fallen for this book blog called The Millions. You probably have heard about it or have been reading it, but it's pretty cool I think.

Anyway, while reading my way through that blog, I found an article about this guy who has his own blog about reading his way through the Best American Short Stories from 1978 to 2009. I like that, too...though he is reading them at a slower pace than I would like.

Either the writer of the BASS blog or one of the fine folks at The Millions created a google document that shows the title, author and gender of each story that has appeared in the pages of the BASS since 1978. It does not include the Roll of Honor in the back, just the ones that have been republished.

From that google document, I made the below Wordle using the titles of the stories that appeared. The most frequent word for a title (not including articles and such)? Life. It has appeared 9 times. The words in the absolute smallest type on the Wordle have only appeared once, so the range is from 9 to 1. How the Wordle program chose the single-serving words they did for this mapping, I don't know. I find it is interesting "Elvis" has appeared in the title of a BASS just as often as the word "Woman."

Click the small one to be taken to the Wordle site for the largest, clearest view. Go to the bottom to see it slightly blown up for your convenience.

viva BASS

Real Gem

2009-12-20T11:48:00.003-06:00

Friends,

Tell you what, I about lost my mind yesterday with the book buying that I did. I have no idea how much money I spent, but I feel as if it was worth whatever cost I paid. I blame Seth, who was in town and shopping for his PhD book list. So we scoured the city's used joints for books.

Here's the pile I acquired yesterday and this is not including the two most recent gets, Julie & Julia (what, the movie is cute) and Not That Kind of Girl.
A lot of them I only paid a dollar for, like that Best American 1996 at the bottom there, which was purchased to replace my current copy that happens to have a ripped back cover. But there's a lot of awesome in there, I think. Like the hardcover In Persuasion Nation by George Saunders that has that awesome story Adams in it. Sure, my copy has a bit of a busted spine, but that's okay with me.

You probably also noticed the three Harry Crews books on there. Two of them, Florida Frenzy & Blood and Grits are works of non-fiction. The real surprise find is The Gospel Singer. The version I found is a British reprinting of it from 1995, I believe. And it includes this strange rare story of Crews called Where Does One Go When There's No Place Left to Go? that's a kind of metafiction that stars a writer named Harry Crews being kidnapped by characters of his stories (according to HarryCrews.com). I don't know what this Gospel Singer edition I have is worth to collectors, but I paid 6 bucks. Even if it is only worth 6 bucks, or less, I'm pleased as a pig in shit about finding it. God bless Madison's used bookstores.

But really, the real gem was finding a copy of Roger Sheffer's Borrowed Voices. I hadn't expected to find it, but I did so I had to pick it up. Here's a picture I scanned from the book of our man Roger taken I would assume 1988 since that is when Borrowed Voices was released, according to the front of the book that I bought (though Amazon says a much later date). Look how young he is in this picture.

viva used bookstores

News & MFA Humor

2009-12-12T10:40:00.003-06:00

Friends,

Sorry for being so lax in updating lately. Internet access has been restricted and honestly I've had little to say that wouldn't result in some kind of bleeding out about one thing or another, and where's the fun in that, right? Or, I guess I could talk about my job, but I won't be talking about my job because I want to keep it, though I have heard some funny and decidedly fucked up things. Oh, I am such a tease.

Besides that, really, I only have two bits of news. 1)I've abandoned the idea of pursuing a PhD right now for a bunch of complicated reasons, but it boils down to "I don't wanna" so I'm not gonna. Now I just have to return all those books I checked out about Brecht & Kundera. 2)I'm exploring different blogging options, something a bit more focused and without such a clunky URL (and hopefully fewer "men shitting" seekers). So, yes, the closing of BOMM is imminent once I get a few other things get straightened out.

So, with that dispensed with, let's check out some goofy videos that appear to have been made by that fucking chain-greaser Mike Magnuson and posted to his blog, which is linked with these words right here. These cracked me up, so I had to share them with you.

Flannery Who?

Dick Fiction

What Is Metaphor?

viva el mustache

Not Available at Alice's

2009-11-26T08:09:00.003-06:00

this is a kiwano fruit, also known as a horned melon. it is horned, no doubt. if you threw it at dry wall, it would probably stick in it.

what does it look like on the inside?

yes, looks like a pumpkin filled with slime.

and the taste? and how the hell do you eat it? well, we had to look it up. essentially, you take one end, gently squeeze it for it to launch a slime-and-seed nugget into your mouth. next, you suck the slime through your front teeth to separate out the seed. swallow the slime, spit out the seed. viola!

it doesn't taste like anything except slime. according to emily, it tastes vaguely of aloe vera and an over-ripe kiwi. it was just slime to me. not being a fan of slime, i did not like it so we threw it out without trying anymore of it.

however, before throwing it all out, i squeezed all the seeds out of one half of the thing so you get an idea of what it looks like to try to eat it.

viva el mustache

American Mashed Potatoes

2009-11-23T16:27:00.000-06:00

Friends,

I had a poem unfold in front of me last week. I can't write it, but I know one happened. A perfect string of images that may be a bit too on the nose for a real good poem or story, but still, the raw data of a poem or some kind of art object blossomed right in front of me. I think. Ever have a moment like that? Where you're just watching this magnificent chain of events and you think, "This means something..." like in Close Encounters? But right now, I'm stymied about what to do with it, so you get this blog post telling you what I saw instead.

Anyway, during my lunch break I left to get some coffee and across the street from my building, an anti-war demonstration was just getting started. All told, there must have been 10 or 15 of them. Not a single one under 45 years old. They had signs, a spirit bell, a bullhorn, and some kind of recorded message that detailed the atrocities of the war. This recording would say something like, "6 dead Afghan children when a US bomb exploded them while they were riding bicycles." The recording was in an even, mellow tone. No harshness or anger at all. Then someone would gong the spirit bell.

The protesters just stood there. Peaceful as cows in a field while the pleasant-voiced lady on the tape said spouted off some other kind of war detail, then there would be another gong.

For protesters, they weren't really protesting in what you imagine protesting to be. Sure, they had signs. But they were serene.

Due to their age and spirit-bell-gonging aesthetics, they were clearly attempting to relive the glory days of Vietnam protesting. However, when you think of vietnam protests...do you think of quiet elderly people gonging a bell on a street corner? Methinks not. Unless, of course, that's what all the protests were before the jack-booted thugs of the police showed up and whomped on them with sticks and sprayed them with firehoses. Maybe spirit bell gonging like an affected Asian tea-service really riled the squares 40 years ago. TV, movies and documentaries of that time, however, lead me to believe otherwise.

That's image one. Old people. Spirit bell. Mild-sauce war protest. By the way, whenever you see a group of people like that, don't you imagine them just bickering over petty things? I do. All the time. You know they were bitching about stuff like how many times to gong the bell, and who gets to gong it, and what their signs would say. And you know one guy was all pissy because he went to Berkley or some shit and he thinks he really knows about anti-war protests, nevermind that Madison did it up right during that time, too (evidence seen here). Whatever, I'm sidetracked. Onto image 2...

As I waited for the bus later that afternoon, a glossy black stretch Chevy Suburban cruised up. Hanging from the back window were 3 women who I assume were bridesmaids. Maybe prom-goers. I don't know. Youthful. Blond. Tanned. Same bare-shouldered dress. Same haircut. A dolled-up crew of heartbreakers if there ever was one. When the stretch Suburban, which could not be more appropriately named, pulled up next to a bus the girls screamed as loud as they could. They yelled "Whoo!" right at a bus with all their might. The stretch went on down the road, slowly. Then, wouldn't you know, the girls circled right back around.

So you know, I get on the bus right by the state Capitol, which is in the center of a square. The girls had driven a loop around the capitol. And again, they screamed "Whoo!" at a different bus. The stretch Suburban then left the scene without further incident.

But how wonderful was that? Why were they giving so much hell to those buses? Probably trying to flaunt their ride at the suckers on the bus. But still, they really shouted Whoo! with some serious meaning and urgency. They Whooed because they had to Whoo. And those buses, well, they deserved the Whooing.

The next image was a man on a chopper. The man was huge, but not weight-wise, but stature & look. No helmet. Flowing long gray hair. Bushy handlebar mustache of fuck-you proportions. Just a general grizzled countenance. His motorcycle sounded exactly as it should. A bassy growl of the devil clearing his throat.

Planted on the back of his motorcycle were two full-size flags. One was the American flag. The other some kind of military flag that I didn't recognize. Between them was what looked like a large eagle feather standing upright and bending in the wind. Clearly this old solider was a red-meat man's man. A whiskey drinking pipefitter of a dude.

Trailing behind him by a couple yards was a waifish college student in skinny jeans crammed onto a periwinkle scooter, a helmet so big it rested on his shoulders. His scooter passed by making that put-put-put noise of the Jetson's spaceship and the ferocity of a firefly.

All that stuff together has potential for something. Something about America maybe, I don't know. It would be too easy drawing the comparisons between the whole scene. Too much like allegory. But, goddamn if I wasn't served a pile of creative clay and what do I do with it? This. Shame on me.

viva el mustache

Big Month

2009-11-22T19:26:00.002-06:00

Friends,

This past month has been the first full month at the new job, so getting used to that schedule and the long bus commute took a while. I've stopped being a strict vegetarian and have gone to taking turkey sandwiches for lunch. And, my right knee has turned into a bigger problem than before, aching regularly. My left knee starting hurting yesterday with a sharp stabbing sort of pain and today I couldn't work out because my left hip is killing me.

Those are my excuses as to why I didn't lose any weight this month. In fact, if my scale is correct (it's been fluctuating a lot lately), I gained 2 pounds. Now, I didn't go hog wild on food this month. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, actually, and I gained two fucking pounds. How? I don't know. I sort of expected it though because I haven't been a diligent with working out as I should be what with all the reasons I listed above. Well, it's not the turkey sandwiches fault I gained the weight. I don't think. You think? Turkey sandwiches? Naw. Not that.

It doesn't feel like I've gained two pounds either. Actually, I bought a pair of 38 X 34 Levi's today from Kohl's and they fit much better than the 38 X 34 Old Navy pants I bought last month some time. Is this two pounds of muscle? Maybe. Not likely. Well. Maybe a little. I notice my legs are getting a bit more cut around the upper thigh area.

By cut I mean there's a suggestion of muscle where there wasn't one before. And my arms, particularly my forearms, are like that too. Swear to god the other day, after I worked out, there was this vein popping out sort of in my forearm area. It was gross...and awesome. And by popping out I mean there was a suggestion of vein where there hadn't been before.

And I have been able to do some things I never done before. For example, I ran 3 miles not that long ago and loved it. I want to run more, but I'm afraid of walking around my apartment complex to get to a treadmill when it's dark so I can't really get there during the week. Sure, I could drive, but then I would stink up my car with sweaty clothes since my complex's shower facilities in the gym are substantially lacking. Also, if I want to run on the weekend, I have to get there buttcrack early to beat everyone else since the gym his a-hopping starting around 8:30, 9:00.

Alas, here's another month and another try at 5 pounds. However, I will end this year under 240 pounds, dammit. I want to have lost 40 pounds by the end of year. I hope my knees hold out. But, no bitching. No excuses. Let's do it.

You know, the one good thing about not hitting my weight loss goal this year is that I totally have one New Year's resolution already planned out for me.

viva el mustache

Bad Music Sunday

2009-11-22T09:16:00.003-06:00

Friends,

Here's the BMS today...

UFO - Doctor, Doctor

Dr. Dre - Keep Their Heads Ringing

Dr. Dog - My Old Ways

Washingtones - Dr. House

Thompson Twins - Doctor Doctor

viva el mustache

Beautiful

2009-11-20T20:16:00.001-06:00

click the picture for more beauty

Giant Bullshit!

2009-11-19T17:00:00.003-06:00

Friends,

Timmy Hairdo won the Cy Young.

Yeah, he did good. But he won it because:
1) Keith Law is fucking moron with longstanding issues against the Cardinals (seriously, look it up...him and that douche from Yahoo! sports named Jeff Passan have a serious boner for dissing the Cards (except for Pujols, but once they find a way, they will)...they do it probably because it gets them attention from people like me)
2) Will Carroll wanted to be special by being the only guy to vote for Dan Haren or Jair Jurrens or whatever the fuck to show he's the smartest guy in the pressbox. Well, you're special now, aren't ya, dipshit.

Oh, Timmy Hairdo is a good pitcher and you want to say something about how bad San Francisco's offense is, but you know, you have that Backfat Panda guy mashing the ball and the Cardinals' offense was shit all year, too. Pujols doesn't get to bat every inning now.

Jesus...that reminds me...MVP award? Will Pujols win? Keith Law won't be voting for him, that's for sure, because he doesn't play a "premier position" but will vote for Ryan Howard because he's "clutch." And Will Carroll will blow at least one vote on, fuck, I don't know, Fernando Tatis so he can feel special about being the only guy to vote for Fernando Tatis. Could they fuck that up and give the MVP to Hanley Ramirez? Well, actually that wouldn't be fucking up too bad because Hanley really is awesome, but still...they wouldn't dare not give the MVP to Pujols...would they?

viva mis birdos

Devil on the Corner, Angel in the Sack

2009-11-18T18:18:00.002-06:00

Friends,

I was watching The Wire this morning and I realized that over the course of the show, Omar has 3 steady boyfriends. Anyone think that's strange? I mean, being a murderous bad-ass willing to rob and shoot drug dealers has to be a rare type of guy. Even more rare would be for that guy to be homosexual, you'd think. So for there to be two gay fellas who are attracted to each other that are also murderous drug-dealing robber dudes...well, geez, Omar must be awesome in bed or something in order to get guys so easily...and he's got that big ass scar on his face, too...

Really, how is it that Omar was able to be so romantically successful?

viva omar

Jerk(y)

2009-11-15T20:43:00.005-06:00

Friends,

I've pretty much given up vegetarianism. I know, don't all cry at once. Really, it's about having sandwiches for lunch. I really like sandwiches and vegetarian lunch meat, while tasty enough, is damn expensive for the amount of food you get. However, as I say this, I spent about 10 bucks today on lunch meat for me and Emily to get turkey that doesn't have any corn starch or sugar in it (where I shopped today, they only had one turkey option that fit that bill and it was 3.70 for a package with 3.5 servings, so I had to buy 3 packages for me and Emily for the week).

I've decided to be a social vegetarian. When out with people or just me and Emily, I'm going no meat. If smokers and drinkers can rationalize their behavior this way, then so can I.

Also, I haven't completely given up on vegetarianism. Like today for dinner we had this lentil chili that turned out pretty damn good. Could use to be spicier, but that's for next time. Also, there's plenty of vegetarian food oddities out there to try...like meatless jerky. Observe!

Yes, this is a vegetarian jerky.

Here's what it looks like. Felt just like those jerky chips you buy.

The smell...

The taste...

Good enough! It tasted mostly of unsweetened chocolate, but just a touch spicy. So it was hard, chewy, vaguely chocolatey and peppery stuff.

So, I make Emily try it...

She disagrees. Had the consistency of dried prunes, she said.

Choose for yourself, here's a link to their website, which will can lead you to an online shopping portal. I know you want to try it or other meatless stuff...then probably take a ham bath or each your weight in White Castles to restore your meat levels.

viva el mustache

Bad Music Sunday

2009-11-15T08:32:00.002-06:00

Friends,

My blog output has been pathetic lately. It's not because stuff hasn't been happening that's worth blogging. But, I honestly haven't had the time to write about any of it.

I just realized that while my new job is awesome, my Mondays through Fridays are, essentially, 12 hour days. I'm up at 5 AM and home around 5:30 PM, depending the bus. I work out, eat dinner and then it's time to make my lunch for the next day and go to bed to do it all again.

Anyway, I'm going to make an effort to change this. Haven't quite figured out how yet, but I will. I don't intend on letting this space wither and die yet.

But, for now, here's another BMS. This one goes out to Seth and his current personal drama revolving around rumors of Aerosmith's rumored disbanding.

Aerosmith - Jaded

My lord. Steven Tyler has to be one of the ugliest men on earth. He's like a gypsy Gollum...all scarves and tendons. Gross.

viva el mustache

Bad Music Sunday

2009-11-08T08:05:00.003-06:00

Friends,

George Jones is right. Pop-country needs a title onto themselves because this music isn't country. Not that all country is good, mind you. A lot of it is crap actually. However this stuff? This Taylor Swift stuff? Got as much flavor as an air sandwich. So what the hell should it be called? Any ideas?

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me

Just one song today. Emily's got plenty of work to do.

viva el mustachee

One Hour

2009-11-07T06:29:00.002-06:00

Friends,

Either I suddenly became an old man, or this some mystic power to waking up at 5 AM everyday. See, for my job I have to get up at 5 AM Monday through Friday. My shift starts at 7:30, but I have to catch an early bus to get there on time and on days where I don't need to take the bus, I still get up at 5 so I don't screw up my morning routine.

While working relay and for a while now, I got up pretty much everyday at 6 AM. Like clockwork, I'd be up a 6 because, well, Emily woke me up. It was no problem. I'd stay up to midnight, or maybe even a little later if I couldn't get to sleep, and I'd be up at 6. Of course, I'd be groggy and barely alive at 6 AM, but I'd still be awake.

However, since I started getting up at 5 AM, I can't seem to stay awake beyond 9:30 PM. Last night, I fell asleep on the couch before 9 PM while reading the new New Yorker. Yeah. That's not the first time that's happened either. This sucks a lot.

I get home from work, most days, at around 5:30. If I eat, let the food settle, then work out for my usual amount, it'll be 7:30 or 8:00...and my body is just powering down for sleepy time.

What the fuck? 5:00 AM is only one hour earlier, but it has completely sapped me from all my ability to stay up at night. I'm a bit more perky in the morning now, but I have so little time to do anything at night anymore.

Is this just getting old, or is 5 AM magic, somehow?

viva el mustache

Bad Music Sunday

2009-11-01T14:13:00.001-06:00

Friends,

Last week, I was in such high spirits no music could be bad music. This week, the glow of the new job has worn off. So the whole world of shitty music has blossomed anew. Here's this week's dose...

Tim Curry - Anything Can Happen on Halloween

Hoobastank - Ghostbusters
Some songs just cannot be covered. The genius of Ray Parker Jr.'s Ghostbuster's theme is one of them. Behold, Hoobastank doing what they do to this gem from our childhoods.

Sophie B. Hawkins - Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover

Midnight Star - Freak-A-Zoid

Whodini - Freaks Come Out at Night

Mannheim Steamroller - Creatures of the Night
This band ruins everything.

Def Leppard - Love Bites

Bonus Oddity

I heard this one on the radio today. Apparently, it's by the guy who does the "Witch Doctor" but I never heard this before. So, enjoy. Hope your Halloween was good.

John Zacherley - Dinner with Drac

viva el mustache

Sunday Morning

2009-11-01T08:32:00.003-06:00

daybreak, this morning.

(the top two pictures were taken with the panorama function on our new camera, so click on them to enlarge them.)

The Big Stinky Flower

2009-10-31T16:56:00.002-05:00

Friends,

We were driving around Madison when we saw this:

So we were like, "Fuck yeah!" So we go in.

And, here it is. The Big Stinky Flower.

Does it stink like rotted meat, as advertised? Yes.

viva the big stinky flower!

Parents in Wisconsin

2009-10-29T20:56:00.003-05:00

Friends,

I never posted these? Really? These are from Labor Day. Everything is falling behind.

My dad, posed heroically (though he didn't know it and wanted to delete the picture)

Bernie watching the game.

SAILBOATS! They were sailing in a very tight circle for a while, obvious part of a sailboat class at UW.

Seagull on the UW Memorial Union Terrace. I wasn't that close. My parents have an awesome camera.

This hawk was sitting on the roof of a mini-mall that houses a fine place for breakfast called the Pancake House.

Here are pictures of me with my parents. I never noticed how huge my ears are until this picture...or that my head changes in height according to who I'm sitting next to.

The Shine of Golden Handcuffs

2009-10-27T20:56:00.003-05:00

Friends,

When I reflect on what I wanted to be 5 or 6 years ago, and where I am now...things certainly veered a touch. I never was a wild one, or even remotely interesting on that front, but still...police? Really? After bouncing from elementary school teacher to here, while it hasn't been a jagged line, full of wild anecdotes about strife or loss. I got middling meandering. That I have. But still, to be here now instead of in another year teaching just seems strange. And where I landed, this isn't a job anyone would ever strive for. No child growing up in America says to himself, someday, I'm gonna push paper for the po-lice. Nope.

Funny how many jobs there are that are like that, too that wind up being careers. Life's work in doing some menial, yet essential thing. And I always wonder how people reconcile that with what they wanted...how are they able to let go? Or, maybe, jobs like mine is where people without plans wind up. Just adrift out there and their little balloon of life gets hung up in a corner, so there it nestles in for as long as the helium will let it because there is as good a place as anywhere else.

All this is on my mind today because I endured a new-employee orientation session with what I believe to be an honest-to-god motivational speaker who said, when he left, "I'll see you on the flip flop," which sounds funny from a 64 year old. At this event, they talked about a lot of planning for retirement, and one person chimed in that they knew of someone who had retired after 40 years in parking enforcement. Writing tickets for 40 years. A lot of helium in that balloon...or maybe the person just loved pissing off people, I don't know. Those kind of folk exist. But, this gig here, in all it's splendid mediocrity, so long as the technology doesn't make me obsolete, could, maybe be a career. Maybe. Not the best choice I made, but if we're talking solely money wise...I'm doing about as good as I would be teaching elementary school...and it's less dangerous (I got some bullet-resistant glass where I'm at now). Oh, these golden, golden handcuffs.

All this isn't some round about way to say I'm unhappy. Like I said, I got 300 more dollars in my paycheck and I never have to listen to old ladies and their foul pooping ever again (I don't think). What's to be unhappy about, right? Well, there's this information I suppose, that's enough to give a person the heebie jeebies about the world outside (punch in your address...while only select cities provide criminal data, you could still look up the sex offenders in your area here).

This is a `round about way of saying, "So, this is where I am now. Hm. How about that shit? Didn't see this coming. What the hell am I doing now in order to do something next, if there even has to be a next?"

viva el mustache

A Moderate Roll

2009-10-23T18:48:00.004-05:00

Friends,

I bought pants in a store from the regular men's section.

My paycheck was $300.00 more than what I got at my last job.

Scored decently, not great, but I think okay, on my GRE today (640 verbal, 620 quantitative with writing score pending).

Made some good book purchases, including finding Bonnie Jo Campbell's American Salvage, which sounds tailor-made for my tastes.

Ate some good vegetarian gumbo, which I chose instead of raw oysters, so I think that counts as a win.

Didn't have to buy gas for two weeks.

For my birthday, I got some new socks, new books and a lunch at a cart called LMNO Pies that was phenomenal.

The Angels forced a Game 6.

I saw a Zombie Walk / Protest March today. Their chant went like this, "What do we want?" "BRAINS!!" "When do we want it?" "BRAINS!!"

Life, it seems, is good.

viva these last few days.

Yeah, That Weight Thing

2009-10-22T10:46:00.000-05:00

Friends,

Failed again! Drat. I wanted to lose 6.4 pounds by my birthday and I lost 5.4 pounds.

That brings the yearly total lost up to 38 pounds, but that puts me exactly 10 pounds behind schedule.

The weight loss was really hampered this month with some ongoing right knee pain/discomfort, not to mention my new job which has a schedule that's been trickier to adjust to than I expected, leaving me completely exhausted by the time I get home. So I've lost about a week's worth of exercise due to all this, maybe more. So I'm pleased with being only a pound away from the goal. 10 pounds off the pace for the year? Well, that sucks and I wish I could have kept up more. Oh well. On to the next month and 5 more pounds. Go, Bryan, go.

viva el mustache

Population 486

2009-10-22T09:34:00.002-05:00

Friends,

I dismissed Michael Perry at first as some local hero, a Wisconsin-boy done reasonable so that's why his books are everywhere in this town. When his new one, Coop, came out, I think you could buy it at gas stations around here. Turns out, it's because he's awesome.

Population 485 wasn't a funny collection of misadventures, though comedy is found within. Nor is it some ode to small-town life, but small town life is always paraded, rarely dismissed. Nor is it a "ain't working as an EMT grand?", though you get the impression Perry believes being an EMT is darn cool. Those were my concerns coming into this book that it was just going to glorify all things Wisconsin, small-town and EMT. And yes, they do get cheerleaded some, they are just a couple of steps in what turns out to be an intricate dance. Overall, it's full of anecdotal material that somehow woven together to produce a weighty book dealing with worries of death, loneliness, progress, and blue-collar artistic guilt among other interesting themes.

If I were to complain about the book, it would be that all of the essays seem to have this "One time X thing happened" which then dovetails to "Another time Y thing happened" but that's just mimetic of conversation, now isn't it? And a guy with these kind of stories, not to mention the good sense to patch them together into a cohesive point, well, you want to hear him talk. You want to buy him a beer, and let the old boy keep telling you stories, like he's one of the old-timers at a bar you hear so much about.

Also, I bought this book for a dollar, and, of all things, Mike Magnuson shows up in one of the essays (it's just one sentence, but it still surprised me...Perry calls him a "grunt novelist.")

If you have the time (and who doesn't?) I would read this one. Makes for an excellent toilet book.

viva el mustache

Quitter?

2009-10-21T20:36:00.002-05:00

Friends,

I've been thinking about giving up on this vegetarian thing. Doesn't seem to be giving me that weight-loss boost anymore and maybe the protein lean meats (chicken, turkey, you know) could provide would be better.

I just can't seem to make up my mind about giving up the vegetarian thing. I've been thinking about this for a while now, but I can't seem to commit to going back to being an omnivore.

Funny how easy it was to give up meat and how difficult it is to go back to it.

What do you think? Stay with it? Give it up?

viva el meat?

-30-

2009-10-21T00:01:00.001-05:00

Yeah? And?

Wordle: Best American Short Stories 1989 to 2009 (Updated)

2009-10-18T21:59:00.000-05:00

Note...At the bottom, the list of authors now includes everyone who put a story in the Best American Short Stories since 1989.

Friends,

Below is a thumbnail image to the Wordle I made with all the authors from the Best American Short Stories from 1989 to 2009. It includes all the authors included in the 100 Distinguished Stories in the back as well. The Wordle is made from the 250 most frequently appearing names. Sure, you expected Alice Munro to be the highest, but Edith Pearlman? Who the hell is that? Is she being taught? Clearly she's got some chops so where's the love for Edith Pearlman?

So long as I was accurate and didn't leave anyone out, 2,522 stories and 1,151 different authors have been honored the pages of BASS over this time span. Also, just so you know, Alice Munro leads everyone with 40 stories being honored and the next person back is....Joyce Carol Oates with 25.

Now, I did make quite a few typos in recording all this, plus, BASS editors really don't give a shit about correctness in the 100 Distinguished Stories part because there are quite a few names misspelled. That, or maybe the authors just change spelling a lot. I did my best to catch my mistakes and gather all the name variants into one person (the ones that I noticed, at least) but I know I goofed somewhere in there, I just don't know where because I don't know who all these people are.

Without further chat and since I can't figure how to made the Wordle bigger, you'll need to click the thing to see it in its full glory.

This one below doesn't seem to be working anymore, but maybe it will for you.

However, this one should be just fine

I'm going to post a graph of it once I'm able to figure that out sooner or later. Won't be as impressive as the FlipFlopFlyBall charts, but, you never know.

Here's everyone who has had a story in the BASS since 1989, and the number of stories they have got in. Again, sorry for mistakes. If you see one, let me know and I'll fix it.

AliceMunro	40
JoyceCarolOates	25
JohnUpdike	24
AntonyaNelson	23
T.C.Boyle	22
EdithPearlman	21
AnnBeattie	20
RichardBausch	18
RickBass	16
MaryGordon	14
MichaelChabon	14
RonCarlson	14
TimGautreaux	14
CharlesBaxter	13
LouiseErdrich	13
PeterHoDavies	13
ThomJones	13
TobiasWolff	13
AnnieProulx	12
LorrieMoore	12
AliceMattison	11
JimShepard	11
RichardFord	11
RobertOlenButler	11
StevenMillhauser	11
TimO’Brien	11
CharlesD’Ambrosio	10
HaJin	10
AliceAdams	9
AndreaBarrett	9
FrederickBusch	9
JillMcCorkle	9
MaryGaitskill	9
RoxanaRobinson	9
AleksandarHemon	8
AmyBloom	8
DanChaon	8
DeborahEisenberg	8
ElizabethGraver	8
JhumpaLahiri	8
JunotDiaz	8
MavisGallant	8
StuartDybek	8
ThomasMcGuane	8
TonyEarley	8
YiyunLi	8
AndreaLee	7
BobbieAnnMason	7
JeanThompson	7
JeffreyEugenides	7
JoannaScott	7
JoyWilliams	7
KateBraverman	7
RussellBanks	7
SteveAlmond	7
AllegraGoodman	6
ChrisOffutt	6
ClydeEdgerton	6
DavidGates	6
DavidMeans	6
GeorgeSaunders	6
KevinBrockmeier	6
LarryBrown	6
MadisonSmarttBell	6
ManetteA.Ansay	6
MarkSlouka	6
MelanieRaeThon	6
NathanEnglander	6
ReynoldsPrice	6
RickDeMarinis	6
RickMoody	6
StephenDixon	6
WendellBerry	6
WilliamGay	6
AlisonBaker	5
AlysonHagy	5
AndrewSeanGreer	5
ArthurMiller	5
BarryHannah	5
CaryHolladay	5
ChrisAdrian	5
ChristopherTilghman	5
DaleRayPhillips	5
DavidBezmozgis	5
DavidHuddle	5
DavidLong	5
E.L.Doctorow	5
EdwardJ.Delaney	5
EdwardP.Jones	5
EdwidgeDanticat	5
FrancineProse	5
GeorgeMakanaClark	5
HesterKaplan	5
JamesSalter	5
JanetPeery	5
JessRow	5
JohnBarth	5
JohnEdgarWideman	5
JulieSchumacher	5
LanSamanthaChang	5
LaraVapnyar	5
LeeK.Abbott	5
LeonardMichaels	5
LewisNordan	5
LynneSharonSchwartz	5
MargaretAtwood	5
MarshallN.Klimasewiski	5
PamHouston	5
RobertJ.Lennon	5
SheilaKohler	5
StephenDobyns	5
WalterKirn	5
A.M.Homes	4
AkhilSharma	4
AllanGurganus	4
AndreDubus	4
AnnCummins	4
AnnetteSanford	4
BenjaminPercy	4
CarolEmshwiller	4
CarolynCooke	4
ChimamandaNgoziAdiche	4
ColumMcCann	4
DavidFosterWallace	4
DenisJohnson	4
DonaldHall	4
EdwardFalco	4
ElizabethMcCracken	4
ElizabethTallent	4
EllenCooney	4
EllenGilchrist	4
EmilyIshemRaboteau	4
EthanCanin	4
FredLeebron	4
GeorgeSingleton	4
GishJen	4
JaneMcCafferty	4
JoanWickersham	4
JohnBiguenet	4
JosephEpstein	4
KarenE.Bender	4
KarenRussell	4
KarlIagnemma	4
KimEdwards	4
LauraFurman	4
LoreSegal	4
MarisaSilver	4
MarkRichard	4
MarkWinegardener	4
MaryGrimm	4
MaryYukariWaters	4
MelissaHardy	4
MelissaPritchard	4
NicholasMontemarano	4
PadgettPowell	4
RalphLombreglia	4
RaymondCarver	4
RichardRusso	4
RobertBoswell	4
RobertCoover	4
RobertStone	4
SanaKrasikov	4
SarahShun-LienBynum	4
StephenKing	4
SusanPerabo	4
SusanPower	4
ThomasBeller	4
UrsulaK.LeGuin	4
ZZPacker	4
AbigailThomas	3
AdamSchwartz	3
AliceElliottDark	3
AliceFulton	3
AlyceMiller	3
AngelaPneuman	3
AnnHarleman	3
AnthonyDoerr	3
ArthurBradford	3
BethLordan	3
BrockClarke	3
CarolAnshaw	3
CarolShields	3
CarolynFerrell	3
CatherineRyanHyde	3
CynthiaOzick	3
DanielAlarcon	3
DaveEggers	3
DavidSchickler	3
DonaldRawley	3
DonDeLillo	3
DonLee	3
ElizabethGilbert	3
ElizabethSpencer	3
ElizabethStrout	3
ElizabethStuckey-French	3
EmilyCarter	3
ErinMcGraw	3
GeoffreyBecker	3
HarlanEllison	3
JamaicaKincaid	3
JamesRobison	3
JanetDesaulniers	3
JasonBrown	3
JayneAnnePhillips	3
JenniferEgan	3
JessicaTreadway	3
JoanConnor	3
JoanSilber	3
JohnMcNally	3
JohnRolfeGardiner	3
JonathanLethem	3
JudyTroy	3
JulieOrringer	3
KatherineVaz	3
KathrynChetkovich	3
KellyCherry	3
KevinMoffett	3
LeonRooke	3
LynnaWilliams	3
MaileMeloy	3
MarjorieSandor	3
MaryWardBrown	3
MaxineSwann	3
MichaelByers	3
MichaelCunningham	3
MichaelDorris	3
MollyBestTinsley	3
NanciKincaid	3
NancyReisman	3
PaulaK.Gover	3
PaulYoon	3
PerriKlass	3
PeterBaida	3
PinckneyBenedict	3
PoeBallantine	3
RachelKadish	3
RandRichardsCooper	3
RattawutLapcharoensap	3
RebeccaBarry	3
RobertBausch	3
RonRash	3
SamratUpadhyay	3
ShermanAlexie	3
SoniaGernes	3
SusanStraight	3
T.AlanBroughton	3
TomPaine	3
TonyArdizzone	3
TovaReich	3
WalterMosley	3
WilliamLychack	3
WilliamMaxwell	3

AbrahamVergese	2
AlanHeathcock	2
AliceHoffman	2
AlixOhlin	2
AmyHempel	2
AndreAciman	2
AndreDubusIII	2
AndrewFosterAltschul	2
AnnaKeesey	2
AnnickSmith	2
AnnPacker	2
AnothonyGiardina	2
AryehLevStollman	2
BarbaraGowdy	2
BarbaraKleinMoss	2
BarryLopez	2
BernadineConnelly	2
BethNugent	2
BeverlyJensen	2
BharatiMukherjee	2
BillRoorbach	2
BlissBroyard	2
BobSchacochis	2
BradBarkley	2
BradWatson	2
BradyUdall	2
BrendanMathews	2
C.E.Poverman	2
CarolBly	2
CharlesDickinson	2
CharlieSmith	2
ChitraDivakaruni	2
ChristineSchutt	2
ChristopherCoake	2
ClaireDavis	2
CorneliaNixon	2
CynthiaShearer	2
DanielCurley	2
DanielMueller	2
DanielOrozco	2
DanielWallace	2
DarrellSpencer	2
DavidBorofka	2
DavidGilbert	2
DawnRaffel	2
DebraSpark	2
DeirdreMcNamer	2
DianaAbu-Jaber	2
DonaldBarthelme	2
DonaldSecreast	2
DorothyAllison	2
DouglasGlover	2
E.J.Levy	2
E.M.Broner	2
E.S.Goldman	2
EdmundWhite	2
EhudHavazelet	2
EileenFitzgerald	2
EileenPollack	2
ElizabethSearle	2
EllenWilbur	2
EthanMordden	2
EvanS.Connell	2
FrancesSherwood	2
FredChappell	2
GeorgeClark	2
GregorySpatz	2
HarrietDoerr	2
HeidiJonSchmidt	2
HeidiJulavits	2
HelenSchulman	2
HilaryJerrillSteinitz	2
IngridHill	2
JacobM.Appel	2
JaimyGordon	2
JamesLasdun	2
JaneHamilton	2
JaneSmiley	2
JeanRossJustice	2
JimHarrison	2
JoannKobin	2
JohnCasey	2
JohnHersey	2
JohnKeeble	2
JohnMichaelCummings	2
JonathanWilson	2
JoshuaFerris	2
JosipNovakovich	2
JudithFreeman	2
JudyBudnitz	2
JuliaSlavin	2
JuliaWhitty	2
JulieCheckoway	2
JulieHecht	2
KarenChase	2
KarenJoyFowler	2
KarenShepard	2
KarlTaroGreenfield	2
KateSmall	2
KateWalbert	2
KateWheeler	2
KatherineShonk	2
KellyLink	2
KenKalfus	2
KentMeyers	2
KentNelson	2
KerryNevilleBakken	2
KianaDavenport	2
LauraGlenLouis	2
LaurenGroff	2
LeeSmith	2
LesleyDorman	2
LeslieMcKenzieBienen	2
LilyKing	2
LilyTuck	2
LindaHogan	2
LuciaNeval	2
MaileChapman	2
MalindaMcCollum	2
ManuelMunoz	2
MarcBookman	2
MargotLivesey	2
MarilenePhipps	2
MarjorieKemper	2
MarlySwick	2
MaryCaponegro	2
MaryMcGarryMorris	2
MatthewKlam	2
MatthewVollmer	2
MauraStanton	2
MaxApple	2
MaximilianSchlarks	2
MelissaLentricchia	2
MichaelDowns	2
MikhailIossel	2
MirandaJuly	2
MoiraCrone	2
MonaSimpson	2
NamLe	2
NellFreudenberger	2
NicholasDelblanco	2
NicoleKrauss	2
PamDurban	2
PatriciaHampl	2
PatriciaPage	2
PatrickRyan	2
PaulaFox	2
PaulaHuston	2
PaulBrodeur	2
PaulGriner	2
PaulTheroux	2
PeterGordon	2
PeterLaSalle	2
PeterRock	2
PeterTaylor	2
PeterTurchi	2
RandyF.Nelson	2
RebeccaCurtis	2
RebeccaLee	2
RebeccaMakkai	2
ReginaldMcKnight	2
RemyRougeau	2
RichBass	2
RickRofihe	2
RobertCohen	2
SaulBellow	2
ScottSnyder	2
SharonDilworth	2
SharonPomerantz	2
SharonSheeheStark	2
SiriHustvedt	2
SteveYarbrough	2
SueMonkKidd	2
SusanFrombergSchaeffer	2
T.M.McNally	2
TessGallagher	2
ThomasMcNeely	2
TimJohnston	2
TomBissell	2
TomDrury	2
TomPerrotta	2
TonyD’Souza	2
TrudyLewis	2
UrsulaHegi	2
VincePassaro	2
W.D.Wetherell	2
WellsTower	2
YannickMurphy	2
GinaOshsner	2
A.G.Mojtabai	1
AaronGwyn	1
AbigailDeWitt	1
AbrahamRodriguezJr	1
AdamHaslett	1
AdamJohnson	1
AdaUdechukwu	1
AdrienneHarun	1
AletheaBlack	1
AlexandraMarshall	1
AlexiZentner	1
AlexRose	1
AliceMcDermott	1
AliceSchell	1
AlisonClement	1
AlisonHagy	1
AllenBarnett	1
AmberDermont	1
AndrewAlexander	1
AndrewCozine	1
AndrewFox	1
AndrewLam	1
AndrewPorter	1
AndyHoffman	1
AndyMozina	1
AndyPlattner	1
AngelaPatrinos	1
AngelicaKiedrowski	1
AnitaDesai	1
AnnaMayo	1
AnnB.Tracy	1
AnnBeateie	1
AnneDooley	1
AnneKeesey	1
AnnEnright	1
AnneWhitneyPierce	1
AnnHood	1
AnnieDillard	1
AnnieMcFadyen	1
AnnJoslinWilliams	1
AprilWilder	1
Ariana-SophiaKartsonis	1
ArleneHeyman	1
ArthurPhillips	1
ArthurRobinson	1
ArturoVivante	1
ArynKyle	1
AskoldMelnyczuk	1
AustinBun	1
AvnerMandelman	1
AvnerMendelman	1
BaineKerr	1
BairdHarper	1
BarbaraHaas	1
BarbaraJones	1
BarrietDoerr	1
BeckyBradway	1
BeckyHagenston	1
BeenaKamlani	1
BellGaleChevigny	1
BenFountainIII	1
BenjaminAlsum	1
BenjaminRosenbaum	1
BesterKaplan	1
BethHelms	1
BethSimon	1
BlakeMaher	1
BlancheMcCraryBoyd	1
BobbieAnneMason	1
BonnaNewmanRead	1
BonnieJoCampbell	1
BradfordTice	1
BradleyJ.Owens	1
BradVice	1
BrendaWilliams	1
BrettAnthonyJohnston	1
BretyRutherford	1
BrianKitely	1
BrittaniSonnenberg	1
BruceJayFriedman	1
BruceMachart	1
BruceMcAllister	1
C.S.Godshalk	1
CaitlinHorrocks	1
CaitlinMacy	1
CarloynCooke	1
CaroleChambers	1
CarolWindley	1
CarrieBrown	1
CarrieRicherson	1
CatherineBrady	1
CatherineTudish	1
CathrynHankla	1
CathyDay	1
CathyMatyas	1
CeridwenDovey	1
ChadWillenborg	1
Chang-RaeLee	1
CharisConn	1
CharlotteBacon	1
CharlotteZoeWalker	1
ChristieHodgen	1
ChristinaZukowska	1
ChristineSneed	1
ChristopherCox	1
ChristopherRowe	1
ChristopherSorrentino	1
ClarkBlaise	1
CliffordChase	1
ColetteSartor	1
ColinBassett	1
ColinChisolm	1
ColleenAnderson	1
ConallRyan	1
ConnieGault	1
CorinnaValliantos	1
CoryDoctorow	1
CraigNova	1
CurtisSmith	1
CurtLeviant	1
CynthiaKadohata	1
D.Ramola	1
DagobertoGilb	1
DalePeck	1
DallasWiebe	1
DalyWalker	1
DanielleEvans	1
DanielMenaker	1
DanielStern	1
DanielStolar	1
DanielWaterman	1
DanielWoodrel	1
DaniShapiro	1
DaniyalMueenduddin	1
DanThrapp	1
DavidAbrams	1
DavidBeniof	1
DavidGalgut	1
DavidGurevich	1
DavidGuterson	1
DavidHoonKim	1
DavidHorgan	1
DavidJauss	1
DavidKear	1
DavidMcLean	1
DavidRussellYoung	1
DavidSchuman	1
DavidWongLouie	1
DayvJames-French	1
DeanPaschal	1
DeanSchabner	1
DebOlinUnferth	1
DeborahGalyan	1
DebraBurns	1
DebraJoImmergut	1
DennisBock	1
DennisJohnson	1
DennisLehane	1
DennisMcFarland	1
DevikaMehra	1
DevonJersild	1
DianaDavenport	1
DianaHartog	1
DianaJoseph	1
DianaReed	1
DianeAckerman	1
DianeEllias	1
DianeJohnson	1
DianeKingAkers	1
DianeSchoemperlen	1
DomLeone	1
DonaldAntrim	1
DonalEvans	1
DonnaTartt	1
DonnaTrussell	1
DonWaters	1
DoranLarson	1
DoriAppel	1
DorisBetts	1
DorothySpeak	1
DorothyWest	1
DouglasUnger	1
DougTrevor	1
DukeKlassen	1
DulcieLeimach	1
E.A.Durden	1
Ed.R.MacDonald	1
EdMinus	1
EdwardAllen	1
EdwardHardy	1
EdwardL.Schwarzchild	1
EdwinM.Steckevicz	1
EleanorHenderson	1
ElisabethSpencer	1
ElizabethBerg	1
ElizabethBinggeli	1
ElizabethHand	1
ElizabethHay	1
ElizabethKemperFrench	1
ElizabethWinthrop	1
EllenGrehan	1
EllenHerman	1
EllenPrewittMorris	1
ElmoreLeonard	1
EmilyHammond	1
ErinSoros	1
ErnestJ.Finney	1
ErnstHavemann	1
EthanHauser	1
EthanRutherford	1
EugeneKraft	1
EvanShopper	1
EvelinaM.Galang	1
EvelynSharenov	1
FrancesDePontesPeebles	1
FrancesKeridge	1
FranklinBurroughs	1
FrankManley	1
FrederickBarthelme	1
FrederickReiken	1
FredPfeil	1
FriedaArkin	1
GaleReneeWalden	1
GardnerDozois	1
GaryFincke	1
GeoffNicholson	1
GeorgeGarrett	1
GeorgeHarar	1
GeraldShapiro	1
GinaBerriault	1
GlenDavidGold	1
GloriaWhela	1
GracePaley	1
GregHrbek	1
GregJohnson	1
H.G.Carrillo	1
HannahPittard	1
HaroldBrodkey	1
HarryMatthews	1
HarveyGrozzinger	1
HeatherClay	1
HeatherRossMiller	1
HeatherSellers	1
HeidiPitlor	1
HeidiW.Durrow	1
HelenAnsell	1
HelenNorris	1
HelenPereira	1
HilarySteinitz	1
HildingJohnson	1
HonoreeFanonneJefers	1
HowardHunt	1
IanDavidFroeb	1
IanMacMillan	1
IanStansel	1
IraSadoff	1
IsaacBashevisSinger	1
IsabelAllende	1
IvyGoodman	1
J.A.Hamilton	1
J.C.Hallman	1
J.JillRobinson	1
J.RobertLennon	1
JackCady	1
JackDriscoll	1
JackLivings	1
JacobaHood	1
JacobWhite	1
JamesColbert	1
JamesFox	1
JamesGordonBennett	1
JamesLeeBurke	1
JamesMorrison	1
JamesMorrow	1
JamesPollack	1
JamesPurdy	1
JamesSpencer	1
JamieLeeBurke	1
JaneAvrich	1
JaneBrownGillette	1
JaneBuchbinder	1
JaneColemanMolnar	1
JanEllison	1
JaneMullen	1
JaneShapiro	1
JanetFitch	1
JaniceDaugharty	1
JaniceDaughtery	1
JasmineBeach-Ferrara	1
JasonColeman	1
JasonGrunebaum	1
JasonOckert	1
JasonSchlosser	1
JayWoodruff	1
JeanMcGarry	1
JeanneMcCulloch	1
JeffHull	1
JeffreyRenardAllen	1
JeffVandermeer	1
JenniferC.Cornell	1
JenniferHaigh	1
JenniferS.Davis	1
JenniferWard	1
JennyKennedy	1
JerryMcGahan	1
JerryWhitus	1
JessamynSmyth	1
JessicaShattuck	1
JesusRamonRodriguez	1
JillBossert	1
JillGilbreth	1
JillMyers	1
JimTomlinson	1
JoannSmith	1
JohnCrowley	1
JohnEdgarWhite	1
JohnFulton	1
JohnHodgman	1
JohnIrving	1
JohnL’Heureux	1
JohnR.Keene	1
JohnSayles	1
JohnTait	1
JonathanCarroll	1
JonathanFranzen	1
JonathanNolan	1
JonathanRichardVeit	1
JonathanTel	1
JonBillman	1
JonMcMillan	1
JordanSmith	1
JosephM.Schuster	1
JosephNovakovich	1
JosephO’Neill	1
JoshuaDavidson	1
JoshuaFirst	1
JoshuaHarmon	1
JoshuaHenkin	1
JoshWeil	1
JowDwyer	1
JoyceMarshall	1
JudithClaireMitchell	1
JudithOrtizCofer	1
JudithSlater	1
JuliaAlvarez	1
JuliaGlass	1
JuliaSlater	1
JulieChagi	1
JuneSpence	1
JustinCronin	1
JustineDymond	1
JustinKramon	1
JustinTussing	1
K.C.Frederick	1
K.Kvashay-Boyle	1
K.P.Bath	1
KamilaShamsie	1
KarenAlpha	1
KarenBrown	1
KarenGettertShoemaker	1
KarenGlazier	1
KarenMinton	1
KarenRile	1
KarlHarshbarger	1
KateKaplan	1
KatePullinger	1
KateWesselman	1
KatharineNoel	1
KatherineBell	1
KatherineHaake	1
KatherineL.Hester	1
KatherineLongstreet	1
KatherineTaylor	1
KatherinMin	1
KathleenCambor	1
KathleenCrowley	1
KathleenGeroge	1
KathleenHill	1
KathleenKirk	1
KathrynDavis	1
KatieChase	1
KellyFeeney	1
KenChowder	1
KenCraven	1
KenMcIlvoy	1
KennethBernard	1
KevinCanty	1
KevinMcDermott	1
KiaraBrinkman	1
KimAdonzio	1
KimBrooks	1
KimHerzinger	1
KirstenSundbergLunstrum	1
KirstinAlio	1
KitReed	1
KittyBurnsFlorey	1
KurtRheinheimer	1
KyokoMori	1
L.K.Gornick	1
LanceOlsen	1
LaraStapleton	1
LaryWoiwode	1
LeeKAbbott	1
LeeMartin	1
LeeStrickland	1
LenoreMyka	1
LesleyDoman	1
LesliePietrzyk	1
LewisRobinson	1
LexWilliford	1
LilianNattel	1
LindaHeller	1
LisaGolden	1
LouisAuchincloss	1
LouisBerne	1
LuciaBerlin	1
LucindaRosenfeld	1
LucyFerriss	1
LucyHonig	1
LydiaDavis	1
LyndaSexson	1
LynnFreed	1
LysleyA.Tenorio	1
M.T.Sharif	1
MajorieSandor	1
MandelieneSmith	1
MarciaGuthridge	1
MarcVassalo	1
MargaretBroucek	1
MargaretCreal	1
MargaretLloyd	1
MariaKochis	1
MarianeWiggins	1
MarianFayeNovak	1
MariaThomas	1
MarilynKrysl	1
MarinaHarris	1
MarissaPerry	1
MarkBrazaitis	1
MarkEdmundson	1
MarkHarris	1
MarkHelprin	1
MarkJayMirsky	1
MarkProbst	1
MarkSanders	1
MarkTrainer	1
MarkWisniewski	1
MarleneBourbesePhilip	1
MarshaRabe	1
MarthaMcPhee	1
MarthaStephens	1
MartinSeay	1
MartyCalvert	1
MaryAnnTaylor-Hall	1
MaryBerthHughes	1
MaryBush	1
MaryHelenSpecht	1
MaryHood	1
MaryLeeSettle	1
MaryMiller	1
MaryMorris	1
MaryOtis	1
MathewKlam	1
MatthewCheney	1
MatthewCrain	1
MatthewGoodman	1
MatthewPitt	1
MaudCasey	1
MaxGarland	1
MaxineKumin	1
MaxineRodburg	1
MaxineRosaler	1
MeganStaffel	1
MegMullins	1
MegWolitzer	1
MelCarlson	1
MelissaBank	1
MerrillFeitell	1
MerrillJoanGerber	1
MiaAlvar	1
MicahelParker	1
MichaelBlaine	1
MichaelCollins	1
MichaelGills	1
MichaelGiusta	1
MichaelHawley	1
MichaelKardos	1
MichaelKimball	1
MichaelRedhill	1
MicheleAdams	1
MichelleCliff	1
MikelJollett	1
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MinJinLee	1
MiriamGershow	1
MiroslavPenkov	1
MitchBerman	1
MitchCohen	1
MohammedNaseehuAli	1
MollyGiles	1
MollyMcNett	1
MorganMcDermott	1
NamwellSerpell	1
NancyBeaulieu	1
NancyKrusoe	1
NancyRichard	1
NaomiJ.Williams	1
NatalieDiaz	1
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NathanielBellows	1
NeilGaiman	1
NellyReifler	1
NicholsonBaker	1
NickArvin	1
NickHalpern	1
NormaMarder	1
NormaniEllis	1
NormanSage	1
OctaviaButler	1
PamelaPainter	1
PatriciaHenley	1
PatriciaMatthews	1
PatrickLane	1
PatrickMichaelFinn	1
PatrickRoscoe	1
PaulaNangle	1
PaulaSharp	1
PaulEggers	1
PaulHarding	1
PaulLafarge	1
PaulLeslie	1
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PaulToutonghi	1
PeggyShinner	1
PercivalEverett	1
PeterBacho	1
PeterBehrens	1
PeterBognanni	1
PeterC.Brown	1
PeterCameron	1
PeterChristopher	1
PeterEichenberger	1
PeterGadol	1
PeterMeinke	1
PeterMountford	1
PeterOrner	1
PeterSaenger	1
PeterStraub	1
PhilipF.Deaver	1
PhilipGambone	1
PhilipLevine	1
PhillipMeyer	1
PollyRobertus	1
QuinnDalton	1
R.T.Smith	1
RabinAlameddine	1
RachelCantor	1
RachelYoder	1
RajParameswaran	1
RandeaneTetu	1
RandyDeVita	1
RavGrewal-Kok	1
RayBradbury	1
RebeccaGoldstein	1
RebeccaMiller	1
RichardCortezDay	1
RichardGils	1
RichardKrawiec	1
RichardPowers	1
RichardSelzer	1
RichardYates	1
RichardZabel	1
RishiReddi	1
RivkaGalchen	1
RobertaMurphy	1
RobertDay	1
RobertLoveTaylor	1
RobertOlmstead	1
RobertSpencerWilson	1
RobieMaculey	1
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RobRobinson	1
RobynSarah	1
RockyGomez	1
RolfeNelson	1
RomonaAusubel	1
RomulusLinney	1
RonHansen	1
RoyKesey	1
RoyParvin	1
RussellChamberlain	1
RustyDollemann	1
RuthPrawerJhabvala	1
RuthYunker	1
RyanHarty	1
RyanMcIlvain	1
S.L.Wisenberg	1
SallyA.Brett	1
SallyWeigoldCharette	1
SalvatoreScibona	1
SamShepard	1
SandraNovack	1
SandsHall	1
SandyHuss	1
SarahKlassen	1
SaraPowers	1
SayzieKoldys	1
ScottB.Smith	1
ScottEly	1
ScottSpencer	1
ShannonCain	1
ShawnVestal	1
SheilaSchwartz	1
SheldonOberman	1
ShenaMcAuliffe	1
ShimonTanaka	1
SitaBhaskar	1
SonyaPeters	1
StarkeyFlytheJr	1
StarlingLawrence	1
StellarKim	1
StephanieDickinson	1
StephanieKoven	1
StephaniePowellWatts	1
StephanieVaughn	1
StephenBarthelme	1
StephenMcCauley	1
StephenSchottenfield	1
SteveDeJarnatt	1
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StevenHeighton	1
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TaniaJames	1
TatianaSoli	1
TatjanaSoli	1
TedWeesnerJr	1
TerryBisson	1
TheaGoodman	1
ThereseMartineau	1
ThomasBrewer	1
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ThomasLynn	1
ThomasRayfiel	1
TiaMaytag	1
TimMelley	1
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TimPratt	1
ToddDorman	1
ToddPierce	1
TomBailey	1
TomBarbash	1
TomHouse	1
TomMcNeal	1
TonyKraus	1
TonyViola	1
TracyDaughtery	1
TrentMasiki	1
TrentonLeeStewart	1
Trevanian	1
UwemAkpan	1
V.K.Mina	1
ValerieLaken	1
ValerieMartin	1
ValerieSayers	1
ValerieTrueblood	1
VeronicaRoss	1
VictorD.LaValle	1
VictoriaAdler	1
VictoriaLancelota	1
VictoriaPatterson	1
VietDinh	1
VivekNaryanan	1
WardJust	1
WayneHarrison	1
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WillAlison	1
WillBaker	1
WilliamHenryLewis	1
WilliamHoffman	1
WilliamKittredge	1
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WilliamMatthews	1
WilliamMelvinKelley	1
WilliamRichardson	1
WillieMoris	1
WrightMorris	1
YahyaGharagozlou	1
Yi-PingOng	1
ZoraNealeHurston	1

viva el mustache

Bad Music Sunday

2009-10-18T09:30:00.002-05:00

Friends,

Another brisk edition posted during some stolen moments while Emily's not online.

Andy Williams - Moon River
"I didn't think he was going to do it, but Bang, Zoom! Second encore!" - Nelson Muntz. Or, something to that effect.

Major Lazer - Hold the Line
I was searching for a cover of Toto's Hold the Line, and I found this song. I don't know what to make of it. I don't quite like it, but I kept watching and listening to this.

Reef - Place Your Hands
Remember this? God, I hated this song so much when it came out because I couldn't stand this guy's voice. And I still can't.

Kula Shaker - Tattva
How about this one? I had this CD. I think someone may have been in the pile of discs sold to help fund the NYC AWP for MNSU, but I may have jettisoned it before then. I'm not sure.

Crystal Waters - 100% Pure Love
Oh, I know you remember this one.

viva el mustache

New Pisser, New Problems

2009-10-12T22:20:00.003-05:00

Friends,

Where there are urinals, there are problems. Ain't nothing easy in this life, friends. Remember that.

Today, at my new job, I approached and proceeded to use the urinal. I noted, midstream, that a previous man had thrown a paper towel into the urinal. It was sopping wet already, and I was already pissing, so I figured what the hell. No point in risking serious injury to not pee on an already pissed all over paper towel.

I leave the urinal while two other guys walk in. I wash my hands and begin to leave the bathroom area, but not quite all the way gone, when one of the new arrivals had approached the urinal with the paper towel that I just used.

He then loudly proclaims something to the effect of, "Ah, who put a paper towel in here? What is this? Sixth grade?" It felt as if he was blaming me for the paper towel, which I did not do. The man then, presumably, moved to the next urinal to pee.

Rather than argue with a man with his dick in his hands and means me no harm, I walked right out of the bathroom, ignoring what I felt to be an accusation. Maybe it was just my heightened sense of guilt. I don't know.

But, I tell you, I keep thinking about it. Like, I want them to know that I'm not the asshole who threw that paper towel in that urinal. But, should I have actually turned around, re-entered the bathroom area and proceeded to proclaim my innocence to a pissing man? Would he even believe me, or would I be protesting too much? Leaving sure felt like it made me look guilty...but why should I have to defend myself against such things? And doesn't it break some kind of male bathroom ethic rules to stop my forward momentum, re-enter the bathroom area in order to make sure that I wasn't being besmirched by a man presently urinating? That's never the right choice unless that guy peeing is on fire and asking for help (in this scenario, if he's just on fire and not asking for help, I assume he thinks he can handle it and I'm never one to underestimate a person's ability.).

See, this was one of those classic no-win, mutually assured destruction scenarios.

What would you have done? What should I have done instead?

viva el mustache

Bad Music Sunday

2009-10-11T17:17:00.003-05:00

Friends,

Emily is hard at work on four or five papers, so I'm sneaking in the BMS while she's at the gym. So, please excuse the short one this week.

Richard Marx - Hold On To the Nights

Michael Bolton - Can I Touch You There
Admit it, ladies. There was a time when you would have wanted Michael Bolton to touch you there.

viva el mustache

A Bit of Truth

2009-10-11T17:12:00.001-05:00

Friends,

Apparently, I don't know shit about baseball.

viva anyone who plays the yankees y the dodgers

Baseball Prognostication, Year 2: Final Readings & Predictions

2009-10-07T20:16:00.002-05:00

Friends,

I've been busy and impossibly tired lately. I meant to have this up yesterday, and well, best intentions being what they are...

Anyway, here's how I stacked up this year for predicting this baseball season, and how I think the playoffs will get sorted out. For the record, I really, really want the Twins to beat the Yankees, but I just don't have faith they can because they have too much deadwood in the lineup. All the heart in the world won't be able to out perform those weak sticks.

Without further preamble...

PREDICTION	HALFWAY (ACTUAL)	FINAL (ACTUAL)
National League:	National League:	National League:
East	East	East
Philadelphia	Philadelphia	Philadelphia
Atlanta	Florida	Florida
Florida	Atlanta	Atlanta
New York	New York	New York
Washington	Washington	Washington

Central	Central	Central
Cincinnati	St. Louis	St. Louis
St. Louis	Milwaukee	Chicago
Chicago	Houston	Milwaukee
Milwaukee	Chicago	Cincinnati
Pittsburgh	Cincinnati	Houston
Houston	Pittsburgh	Pittsburgh

West	West	West
Los Angeles	Los Angeles	Los Angeles
Arizona	San Fransisco	Colorado
San Fransisco	Colorado	San Fransisco
Colorado	Arizona	San Diego
San Diego	San Diego	Arizona

American League:	American League:	American League:
East	East	East
Boston	Boston	New York
Tampa Bay	New York	Boston
Toronto	Tampa Bay	Tampa Bay
New York	Toronto	Toronto
Baltimore	Baltimore	Baltimore

Central	Central	Central
Cleveland	Detroit	Detroit/Minnesota
Chicago	Chicago	Detroit/Minnesota
Minnesota	Minnesota	Chicago
Kansas City	Kansas City	Cleveland
Detroit	Cleveland	Kansas City

West	West	West
Oakland	Los Angeles	Los Angeles
Los Angeles	Texas	Texas
Texas	Seattle	Seattle
Seattle	Oakland	Oakland

Divisional Series:	Divisional Series (if it ended today):	Divisional Series (what they are, and my predictions)
National League:	National League:	National League:
Philadelphia vs. St. Louis: Philadelphia	Los Angeles vs. St. Louis	St. Louis vs. Los Angeles: St. Louis
Cincinnati vs. Los Angeles: Cincinnati	Philadelphia vs. San Francisco	Colorado vs. Philadelphia: Philadelphia

American League:	American League:	American League:
Boston vs. Oakland: Boston	Boston vs. Detroit	Minnesota vs. New York: New York
Cleveland vs. Tampa Bay: Cleveland	Los Angeles vs. New York	Boston vs. Los Angeles: Los Angeles

League Championship:		League Championships:
National League:		National League
Philadelphia vs. Cincinnati: Cincinnati		St. Louis vs. Philadelphia: St. Louis

American League:		American League
Boston vs. Cleveland: Cleveland		Los Angeles vs. New York: New York


World Series:		World Series
Cleveland vs. Cincinnati: Cleveland wins in 5 games		St. Louis vs. New York: St. Louis in 6 games

Bad Music Sunday: Celebration

2009-10-04T08:55:00.003-05:00

Friends,

I have relayed my last call. It's like one of those things you have to say out loud over and over again to just wallow in the joy of it, like practicing your married name.

Tomorrow I start the new job, with its new complaints and problems and everything else. But right now, let's celebrate.

Kool & the Gang - Celebration

Kylie Minogue - Celebration

The Cross - Celebration

DMX - Party Up

Kanye West - Good Life
Should I be embarrassed that I kinda, sorta like Kanye? Just a little and some songs. Not this one with that weird chipmunk thing in the background.

Chic - Good Times

Unwritten Law - The Celebration Song

Pink - Get the Party Started

Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle - A Whole New World
This doesn't exactly fit with the theme, but come on, work with me here. New job. New world. You can see it, right?

viva el mustache

Best Is Best, Right?

2009-10-02T23:50:00.002-05:00

Friends,

I finished the 2005 Best American Short Stories, as selected by Michael Chabon. A lot of the stories sucked. Not as bad as the Salman Rushdie edition, but I had a bit of a problem with the selection of stories seemed to be more about this genre-fiction chip Chabon has on his shoulder than picking the best ones. No way in hell that any of the 100 Distinguished stories in the back was less accomplished than that Cory Doctorow thing included in there. Shameful selection right there. I'll grant you, it was different with it's whole World of Warcraft kind of thing, but it was obvious and empty. Then again, published and prestigiously to wit, so, you know, I should take my unacademic complaints and shove off. There was a lot of good stories in there, too. Like that George Saunders one. That was a lot of fun.

Anyway, to make sure that I'll never get done reading, I bought the 2009 Best American today. I look inside and, surprise, no Alice Munro.

She's listed in the 100 distinguished stories, 3 times, but she's not in the stories. That's quite a surprise to me. Actually, there's not a lot of heavy hitters in the story selections at all this time. But, the first story is called "The Idiot President" and that damn well better have not been selected because of some simple anti-Bush feelings. I haven't read it yet, but I would just hate it if some other story that could have been there wasn't picked because Alice Sebold saw the title and thought, "Oh, Bush is stupid! Hooray!" and kept it in there. I'll report back after I read it and see what's really going on.

I know that there's probably all kinds of behind the scenes wheeling and dealing and worries over cost or whatever that goes into the final wheedling down of the yearly BASSes, but it's called the "best" stories. I hope hard-ons to prove something about genre worth or political "me-too"isms or whatever crap that has nothing to do with the actual quality or beauty of the fiction doesn't cloud the honoring of honestly brilliant work.

viva el mustache

Archives Month

2009-10-02T08:21:00.003-05:00

Friends,

October is Wisconsin Archives Month. I know you know already, but I figured I should remind you.

Anyway, Emily and the other members of the UW student chapter of the Society of American Archivists, have started a blog highlighting this year's theme, scrapbooks.

So, please, check out their blog by clicking this link, or the one in this post's first line: Wisconsin Archives Month 2009.

They've put up a couple posts, showing some real interesting pictures. So far, the information shown reminds me a little bit of Forgotten Bookmarks in the old, interesting stuff you can find if you just know where to look. It should be interesting as the month continues and what other interesting stuff lurks out there in county archives.

Also, if you could do me a favor in juicing the Google spiders a bit with the Wisconsin Archives Month 2009 blog by promoting it on your blogs, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks all.

viva wisconsin archives month 2009

The Worst Idea

2009-10-01T17:08:00.000-05:00

Friends,

Here in the Madison area, we are overrun with fucking roundabouts. I hate them. They aren't everywhere, but they are enough places to make you crave the awkwardness of a four-way stop. Oh, I understand the supposed benefits of the roundabout, but it never works. There are too many old people, stupid people, and nervous drivers (that's me!) to properly negotiate one of these cocksuckers with any deftness, especially if there is traffic going around it. On the way to Mount Horeb Wisconsin, you have to drive through something like 6 of these bastards, in a row. There's more than one, I believe, on the UW campus. There's one by the nice Wal-Mart. One out by my soon-to-be former job. Enough of these damn things. No one knows how to drive around them and they freak people the fuck out. Knock it off, WiDoT.

Emily and I had to weasel around one they just installed outside the Wisconsin Dells on the way back to Madison. The fucker had traffic lined up in all directions, not to mention making everyone there nervous that they would be stuck in a National Lampoon European Vacation "Big Ben, Parliament" roundabout moment of hell (see below).

Down with roundabouts! Who's with me!

viva el mustache

Can You See It?: Clouds Between Mankato and Madison

2009-10-01T09:47:00.005-05:00

Friends,

Welcome to the 1,002nd post of BOMM. Below are photos I snapped of the clouds between Mankato and Madison this passed Saturday. It was an impressive cloud show, so that's why I took, jeez, a whole damn lot of pictures of them.

I know the rules of "Can You See It" are that I should tell you what I see then you tell me if you "can see it" or not. But, I don't want to play like that this time. I'm going to give you the pictures, number them, and tell me what you see. Well, I will say number 9 looks like a gnome's hat. The rest though, you're on your own.

viva clouds

Lapdances of the Third Trimester

2009-09-30T08:09:00.002-05:00

Friends,

Last night, I actually hung out with people who are not my wife. I know! Who knew I was still capable of such socialization? Well, to be honest I didn't really socialize. I listened to a lot of stories, didn't really share any myself because I didn't know these people that well, and I was having too much fun listening to them. Probably because the two people doing most of the talking were strippers. One amateur who, by the amount of stripping she described, sure practices the pole arts a lot, while the other was a pro, working her way through school.

I never got to ask the question I really wanted to, which was to ask the pro that since she's a college student, has she ever had moment when a professor she recognizes comes into the club. I imagine grad student strippers probably have the same concerns with the possibility of one of your students coming into the club. Anyway, the pro did say that she's had a few encounters with guys who had hit on her, whilst in her civilian clothes, and failed, so they showed up to the club to see her not wearing her professional uniform, saving themselves all the hard social work of getting her out of her civvies.

Other stories were shared, like topless pictures taken by the club with patrons (which reminded me of those "fun" photos they take at Mexican restaurants with you wearing a sombrero, but instead of a silly hat, it's you, a smile and a pair bare breasts in the photo), and stripper bloopers like greasy poles resulting in falls and an accidental bite of another stripper when trying to pluck a dollar off her thigh. There were more, too. Like awkward "couples" dances where a guy buys a lapdance for his date he brought to the club then proceeds to watch it, sulky girlfriends who demand to be brought along to the club then get pissy when the guy tips a stripper, odd requests from the guys like wanting their balls stomped or wanting a punch in the face and the amateur kicking another stripper in the chest while performing a flip, and, of course, guys spanking and/or exposing themselves to the dancers. Also, I learned some stripper inside baseball, like when a stripper goes to her knees on the stage it's probably because she's dizzy from the pole work, or too drunk to stand.

But, the one anecdote that really got me. The pro was talking about a fellow stripper at her club who punches guys in the face with her boob. Not the squeezing of the head between the boobs, but honestly just grabbing onto the side of one of them and then pushing it forward, with velocity and power, into the guys face, like a punch. She's got bruises from it. Personally, I think guys would do it for the story because it may be worth a dollar to some to say, "Yeah, man, a stripper cold cocked me with her tit" and the boob assault not being really hot.

Anyway, so the pro had talked about the boob punch, about shoe she doesn't understand it, then says, and I'm paraphrasing, "Yeah, she's got real big boobs because she's, like, 5 or 6 months pregnant. She's not going to stop dancing until they tell her she has to. The other night she almost had a miscarriage."

Pregnant stripper? Hm. I've heard other stories of stripper weirdness, like one fabled tale of a one-nippled girl, the 50+ year old strippers of the long-closed Dottie's Body Shop outside Fairview Heights, and the knife scars of the Mankato club. If I were on my game, I would have asked more questions of the pro about this pregnant stripper, like lactation concerns and how much money she gets, and if she's giving a lapdance has the baby ever kicked the patron...or do the guys have to pay more since she's like a specialty act, or if the patrons have to pay double since life begins at conception that guys is really getting a twofer.

Anyway, I also learned that I'm never going to the clubs in this area, and probably done with them for good unless I get dragged to one by some future bachelor party or a demanding friend. Candy Girl took away a lot of the interest, but last night pretty much sealed the deal. Thanks for the stories and anecdotes, strip clubs. It's been fun hearing them. But take care of yourself. Stay classy.

viva normal girls!

Why Isn't This on DVD?

2009-09-29T13:26:00.001-05:00

Friends,

Remember this show? I do. I liked this show. What about you?

viva ed

Skinning the Fat Man

2009-09-28T15:30:00.002-05:00

Friends,

I don't need it (yet) but I've been thinking about that excess skin removal surgery a lot lately. People like me who lose a ton of weight wind up all stretched out skinwise. Sort of leaves you looking rumpled, like wearing skin pajamas a size too big.

Anyway, I've been thinking about how exactly do they do it. I mean, your skin is all one piece, pretty much. We aren't stitched together in sections. But when you lose weight all over, you get the wrinkled up skin in a variety of places. Stomach, under arms, inner thighs. So, do they slit you open, say on one side, and then just pull the skin to undo the wrinkles, or maybe they smooth it out in sections, like trying to pull socks tight on your feet. This way, I imagine being left with one large seam down one side, like I was nearly split in twain by a large bagel slicer. Or do they do multiple incisions, tighten it up in sections, leaving you all scared up like Frankenstein or a poorly stitched rag doll. Or do they burn it off with lasers. Or some other option I have not yet figured out.

To be honest, I don't want to have to find out, but if I really slim down all the way, I might have to investigate this further so I don't turn into Shar-pei Man or like I'm wearing a poorly fitted Bryan-poncho designed by Buffalo Bill.

viva el mustache

...Because Mind Reader Sounds Better

2009-09-28T13:44:00.003-05:00

Friends,

I've been watching True Blood on Netflix. It's an all right show. Trashy, strange and full of nudity, blood and foul language. Plenty to keep you watching. The acting is kind of hit and miss, going full out soap opera sometimes. And the British actor who plays the Southern gentleman/former Civil War soldier tries his damnedest to hang onto his Southern accent, but there are times when he fails big time. Everytime he says "Sookie," the main character's (unfortunate) name, I laugh a little, especially in moments of grave seriousness. Maybe he gets better at it in season 2, I won't know until the DVDs come out.

Anyway, Sookie is a mind reader, right? So that means she can read all the thoughts in everyone else's head. That being exactly what mind readers do. So I've been thinking about the long history of mind reading that I've seen in movies and TV shows, and I'm just now having some problems with the concept of reading a mind.

1) During these moments, the one doing the mind reading is always gawking silently at the person who is having their mind read. And the one having their mind read is also silent, sometimes even nodding to the thoughts being broadcast. Now, put that moment in context of an actual conversation. How funny and awkward is that 5 second pause in the middle of a conversation where there are two people who were talking, stop (so the mind reading can take place), just sort of look at each other (for the mind reading), then carry on as if there wasn't this long caesura in the conversation. It would be weird. Go on, try it with someone. And how come that every time that awkward pause happens the thought of the person getting their mind read isn't "The fuck she looking at? I got a booger? What?" Then they would say, "What?" and wipe their nose. That may happen once in a while in mind reading scenarios, but, really, that should happen most of the time.

2) It's not really reading minds, it's reading what someone is thinking but not saying. There is a big difference. If it was mind reading, wouldn't they be hearing all the unconscious commands our brain sends out make the body function? Wouldn't mind readers be hearing all internal baggage, you know the psychoanalytical stuff, that really motivates our actions in life? Like reading the mind of the stripper wouldn't necessarily be, "Oh no, it's that trucker that smells like raw hamburger again!" as the internal, surface thought but may be instead the deep seeded motivation and buried thought of, "I hate my daddy so, so, so much." If mind reading is just limited to what we are not saying aloud, then mind reading doesn't seem like that big of a deal since what can be revealed to a mind reader can be controlled. And if it can go deeper, how come we haven't seen a mind reading psychoanalyst who is just awesome at his job? Also, I would like it very much if there was a mind reader just plagued with hearing the brain waves of people sending out the bodily functions messages...really wouldn't be much of a story there...just a guy, crying a lot.

3) Mind reading sure seems remarkably narrative. Shouldn't it be a bit more like a Joyce novel with these scattered bits of unconnected nonsense, or just pictures or abstract representations of feelings and emotions?

4) All mind reading concepts are pretty much the same. Well, at least True Blood has vampires and werewolves and shape shifters and who knows what other creepy crawlies.

viva el mustache

Bad Music Sunday: Seward's Folly's Folly

2009-09-27T10:48:00.003-05:00

Friends,

Just found out that Emily didn't get the Alaska gig. Salmon-fishing bastards! Curse their frozen hearts! Unless, of course, another job opens and they hire her, then bless their frozen, crab-shaped hearts.

But right now Alaska, and everything about Alaska, sucks. So here's to you, you permafrost moosey douchebags, and your snaggletoothed songbird...

Jewel - I Do

Jewel - Stronger Woman

Jewel - Till It Feels Like Cheating

Jewel - Intuition
This is the 600th BOMM song.

Libby Roderick - How Could Anyone

36 Crazyfists - Slit Wrist Theory
Our Lady Peace plus Limp Bizkit = 36 Crazyfists. Enjoy!

Alaska' State Anthem: Alaska's Flag

viva los lower 48 y mustache!

Great Night, Fellas. (Updated)

2009-09-26T18:36:00.001-05:00

here's a picture Emily took of the Q & A, maybe it's Jorge speaking on the complexities of "naughty time" in his poems. anyway, it's better than the one I took above...but I really wanted the sunset in the picture as well. Can't say I didn't try.

this next picture doesn't make sense. I don't know how or why an old picture, that has been deleted from the memory card on my camera for some time now, became grafted onto the bottom of this picture. Anyone with digital camera see something like this before, where the camera combines pictures on its own? This is strange to me.

The New Job (NSFW)

2009-09-21T21:03:00.006-05:00

Friends,

What is my new job?

Well...let me be cryptic about it because you never know who is reading this.

It has something to do with an organization portrayed in this video...

Doing a lot of this...

After the above organization has done the following...

After a citizen of this fair city has done this... (This is a clip from The Wire, so it is decidedly Not Safe for Work due to glimpses of nudity and a whole heap of foul language).

Have I made myself clear?

By the way, I think I might be making this blog private or sort of avoiding any direct references to what I'm doing so past posts, rants and dirty words don't come back to haunt me.

viva el mustache

QUINOA!

2009-09-21T08:33:00.003-05:00

Friends,

QUINOA!

Got a new job. Pays around 5.45 an hour more than what I get now, which translates to, roughly, an extra 400.00 a paycheck (gross) for me. And the hours are 7:30am to 4:00pm, Monday through Friday. It starts October 5th. Oh, hell yeah.

Here's the following things that are now possible with this job.

1) I can have dinner with Emily every night of the week.
2) I can afford more interesting vegetarian fare, such as quinoa (pronounced KEEN-WA, and it's fun to shout in joy).
3) I can attend literary events, such as the upcoming Madison Book Festival, featuring a reading from Lorrie Moore.
4) I can attend some of the many, many interesting concerts that play Madison weekly. All the indie darlings that I enjoy swing through town.
5) It pays me enough were we could go on vacation someplace. Something Emily and I have never been able to afford on our own.
6) It pays me enough where we can finally get ahead financially and plan for the next move to parts unknown (so long as we don't blow the cash on weekend trips, books, food and concert tickets).
7) It pays enough that I can replace all of my ill-fitting clothes with clothes that actually fit me.
8) I'll be able to quit my current soul crushing, spirit reducing job.

Joy, it cometh this morning.

viva el mustache

Plastic Handcuffs & A Lesson In Speaking Too Soon

2009-09-20T20:09:00.001-05:00

Friends,

What do you say to a person, a congenial coworker you who like, that just got a job that you wanted therefore keeping you exactly where you don't want to be?

viva el mustache

UPDATE:
Spoke too soon. This job wanted two people. The one person who I know they hired that inspired this sad sack post. And, it turns out, me as well. (See post above this one). Fucking A. I'd be happier right now, but I have a headache.

Bad Music Sunday

2009-09-20T10:11:00.002-05:00

Friends,

I apologize for the just the one song today. I'm pressed on time so I'm posting this in lieu of being late. Maybe I can expand it later.

The Silos - Anyway You Choose Me
I never heard of this band until I bought this surprise back of music from The Exclusive Company here in Madison. It's kind of a novel, neat thing these grab bags. I'd like to do it again, actually. Probably will. However, like all things like this, you have to expect some turds to be in the soup.

viva el mustache

Be My Genius, Spend My Money (Updated & Complete)

2009-09-17T11:15:00.008-05:00

Friends,

I have $10.24 of iTunes credit to spend and I'm not sure what do to with it.

Give me some suggestions. I'm only interested in songs. It should get me about 10 tunes, if I don't buy anything new and popular (since iTunes jacked that price up to 1.29 for that kind of stuff). So, give me your playlist of 10 songs I should have that you think I don't.

viva el mustache

UPDATE
The available funds is down 99 cents, so I'm looking for 9 songs now, I suppose. I just downloaded this song. The band title is a bit much for me, but I like the song.
The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Young Adult Friction

UPDATE 2
Well, went out and got another song. I need seven now. I just invested in this one:
Sons & Daughters - The Nest

UPDATE 3
The iTunes card has been spend. All 25 bucks of it. And since you're dying to know and I want to share, here's how I blew it:
Fatboy Slim - Wonderful Night
Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes - Home
Handsome Furs - All We Want, Is Everything
Neko Case & Her Boyfriends - Thanks a Lot
Neko Case & Her Boyfriends - Karoline
David Byrne - Don't Fence Me In
Bruce Springsteen - The Wrestler
Grand Ole Party - Belle Isle
Okkervil River - Our Life Is Not A Movie or Maybe
Okkervil River - A Hand to Take Hold of the Scene
The Hold Steady - Stuck Between Stations
Regina Spektor - The Calculation
M. Ward - never Had Nobody Like You (feat. Zooey Deschanel)
Of Montreal - Gronlandic Edit
The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Young Adult Friction
Sons & Daughters - The Nest
My Morning Jacket - Librarian
Jace Everett - Bad Things
Brandi Carlile - Turpentine
Jentri Colello - Bird of Prey
Cloud Cult - When Water Comes to Life
Spoon - The Underdog
Monsters of Folk - Say Please
Old Crow Medicine Show - Caroline

Suck It, Trebek

2009-09-16T09:47:00.002-05:00

Friends,

Check out the below video where Alex Trebek discusses his loss of mustache (It's the second question asked during the video). He goes on to say that he doesn't miss his mustache (!) and that it's easy to grow one (!!).

First off, him not missing his mustache? Lie. Full lie. Look at his face. He's a lying liar. He misses that mustache like lions in the zoo miss the wild. His heart, his soul, his manhood was in that mustache. Now it's gone. Been gone for quite some time. Now, of course he's grown complacent, like the lion used to people feeding him steaks. Barely a lion anymore, but he surely remembers, and laments, his old roar.

Second, mustaches are easy to grow, but it's a difficult statement to make. Mustache is a profound statement of manhood. You could call it simple to do, so maybe not a big deal. Just like not getting up from a seat on a bus is easy to do. It's easy and bold, Mr. Trebek.

Anyway, here's the video.

viva el mustache

ps...thanks for the text, Natalie.

People of Size?

2009-09-15T14:14:00.003-05:00

Friends,

Here's another link to another morning news segment about the struggle of fat people.

Reality TV Makes Being Fat Cool

Some good points are made, but, seriously, that woman from that fat liberation group used the phrase, "People of Size." People of Size? Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck kind of namby-pambying of the language is that? I understand wanting to dispel myths of fat people and negative treatment. I get that. But, "people of size"? What? Fat people are the fucking majority. We, the fat, aren't some underclass of society who deserves special treatment or carefully massaged language or anything at all. We're fucking fat. We eat too much. We don't work out enough. We overindulge and that's not a right to be protected. It sucks we get beat up on. Sure does. Nobody likes that and that sure makes for some sad pandas. But, you know, we eat too much and we don't work out...whose fucking fault is that? It's not like we have been disallowed any rights as people. No one has ever said we can't marry, vote, or be free. Never. Just that maybe, sort of suggested that we do something about the weight because, you know, people shouldn't sweat from sitting still. Sometimes we get stared at and sometimes we gotta buy extra seats on a plane...just like a family with identical twins. Boo-fucking-hoo. "People of size"... Jesus chocolate-covered Christ.

viva el mustache

A Morbid Thought

2009-09-15T13:19:00.002-05:00

Friends,

The other day, I was looking at my bookshelves, realizing just how many used books I have, and also contemplating how much time I spend in used book stores here in Madison. And, you know, I probably own a lot of books that belonged to some person who had recently died. I hope that's not bad luck.

viva el mustache