Explanation For Mustache-Related Hiatus

Friends,

Ah, it's been near a month long silence on matters of the mustache, and for a solid reason: respect.

You see, initially slotted for this past month was another showdown piece pitting Martin Luther King Jr.'s mustache against Gandhi's mustache, in a battle royale of non-violence. And while Gandhi has several interesting poses relating to his mustache, Martin Luther King did not. I mean, if you Google search for Gandhi pictures, you'll find out that he was a funny looking dude, despite being all groovy for Indian freedom or stopping communism or whatever he did (he didn't change the caste system though, the skinny bastard & there are reports that he was a racist from papers he wrote while being educated in South Africa, but that's not mustache related).

If anything, we here at B.O.M.M are believers in fair play. We did not want to show Gandhi being ridiculous, without showing MLK being ridiculous. We couldn't find pictures of say, MLK eating a sandwich, or pulling some goofy look while being non-violent, or maybe even flexing his pectorals for some strange underground magazine. So, using our better judgment, we withheld the piece...Then never bothered to follow up with anything else. But that's not for lack of mustache news, quite the contrary:

We would like to note that the Homeland Security dude, one Michael Chertoff, is another mustachioed fuckstick from our current government configuration. We would like to issue another Mustache Revocation Notice to him for essentially killing much of the Mississippi Delta. So, Chertoff...Eat it. We would also issue this edict for that Brown guy...But his nickname's Brownie...C'mon. Brownie? You serious? His nickname is a delicious treat OR that organization meant for little girls in green skirts who aren't yet Girl Scouts. He is not a mustache security threat, no how, no way.

Also, for those people who have signed our petition to put the mustache back on the Brawny Man, thanks. You know, if you are feeling fiesty, vote more than once. Treat it like an old school Chicago election, baby. Vote early, vote often. Just use a fake name, or something. I mean, let's not kid ourselves...What's a little voter fraud in order to get a just cause through, am I right? Worked in 2000.

And finally, we would like to issue our inaugural Throwback Mustache Recognition Honor to....





Jake "the Snake" Roberts. He was the master of the DDT, rocked the stache, the mullet, huge goddamn snakes, the intercontinental Championship......And now's he's a drug addict. So, to all those kids out there, mustaches are great, but they lead to wonderful world of temptation, drugs and lecherousness. So, say no to drugs kids, eat those vitamins, drink your milk, and you too could sport a manly stache like ole Jake here (shown pre-crackhead status). Oh, sorry for the small pictures...We gotta keep these kind of photos at thumbnail size, or you know, trouble brews in the pants of the ladies. If you would like to see more Jake "the Snake" Roberts, just do an image search of him. How easy is that?

One final note, and we here at B.O.M.M do not like posting pictures that are not stache-related, but you know, baseball season is upon us. And while not all members of B.O.M.M are Cardinal fans, everyone can appreciate this photo of All-Star center fielder Jimmy Edmonds sliding into home last year. Just get a good luck at his face, hopefully you'll never have to make that face. And we are awarding Jimmy Edmonds, number 15 for the St. Louis Cardinal's B.O.M.M.'s highest award available for the non-mustachioed: Mildly Pleasing Photo. So thanks, Jimmy (next time, don't pull such a fey face when scoring for the birds on the bat, eh Jimbo...we still got that four game Red Sox sweep hanging over our heads, stuff like this ain't helping)! Keep diving for those balls!

Oh, thanks to Liz for promising photos of a real, like Mankato-area mustache that isn't Terry Davis, or our beloved Nostradamustache. (We should also note that the first volunteer for mustachioed goodness came from a real, live lady...Machismo, babies...It's all machismo). Also, let's keep our fingers crossed that the long anticipated Frank Zappa & several part series devoted to the mustaches of the Simpson's gets off the ground shortly.

VIVA EL MUSTACHE!!!!