John Candy Blues

Oh, John Candy. I just love John Candy. Why? Because he was a guy who knew where his bread was buttered, and he also knew how to deep fry it and cover it in sugar. He never tried to play outside his range and play, I don't know, an underwear model. He just made silly movies, mostly bad comedies (though its hard to argue against the brilliance of Uncle Buck and Armed & Dangerous, but consider Wagons East or Delirious, and the worst comedy of all-time, JFK). He was one of the three great mediocre comics, or at least once brilliant ones but the flamed out, of the 70s and 80s (the other two: Chevy Chase & Dan Akroyd [Martin Short probably deserves a nod, but I fucking hate that Grimley character or whatever it was and that spiky hair, and he single-handedly stunk up the Three Amigos, and what the hells the deal with Jiminy Glick, just atrocious]). But he made a cottage industry out of being the jolly chubby guy.

Anyways, I was thinking about fame and how famous John Candy was, and that sometimes the ladies like fame. Well, were there women who lusted for John Candy? I mean just watched his movies and got a case of the vapors....dirty vapors. Who were they? Would they be like Gwar groupies (by that I mean they look like the members of Gwar) or honest to goodness true starfuckers with the bleached hair and ginormus silicon boobs? How powerful is fame when it comes to attracting the ladies? He did do well in Stripes with those mud wrestlin honeys, but they were paid for their, ahem, services...but were those nubile lasses thrilled to be showing their nubile bits to the gooey John Candy? Yeah, I'm married and totally love my wife, but I also plan on being ridiculously famous. Sorry, that's just what I want to do. Then I'm gonna be a cowboy, a fireman and a spaceman....then take a bubble bath. But, when I am ridiculously famous, I assume the same groupies I will garner will be the same groupies that John Candy earned...hopefully not the exact same groupies that John Candy. I assume they would be old, and who would even be remotely tempted by the sloppy seconds of John Candy. But this is just a thought. I mean, saying no to good-looking ladies would be much more of an ego boost than saying no to hosts of Gwar ladies. But, since I'll be ridiculously famous, it will all be good.

It should also be noted that John Candy sported a mustache in two watershed moments of his career: Planes, Trains and Automobiles & The Blues Brothers. So, those were the films that probably got John the most exposure, so maybe his mustache powers upgraded the quality of groupies he earned.


Behold John Candy's mustache:
(from the Blues Brothers)

So, I would like to award John Candy with B.O.M.M's inaugural Mustaches Hotness From Beyond The Grave (Comedy Edition) Award. Congratulations, John! You'll be in our thoughts.

VIVA EL MUSTACHE!!!