NLCS Game Four

Things I learned while watching the NLCS Game Four:

1) Homeruns by Yadi Molina & David Eckstein do not equal a win. It should, but it doesn't.

2) Tyler Johnson, Josh Hancock, Anthony Reyes, and Brad Thompson cannot be trusted with anything. Whether it be pitching in a high-pressure baseball game, or babysitting your cat...don't trust them. They will find a way to fuck it all up and ultimately, kill your cat.

3) Rally caps cannot overcome an eight run lead. They truly are a magical item, but they seem to only provide a +1 bump to luck.

4) Carlos Delgado must be stopped. I believe he is funding terrorists or helping North Korea build a nuclear weapon...there is something distinctly anti-American about the guy. I just feel it everytime he steps up to hit...he's so damn shifty.

5) Scott Spiezo should only bat with runners in scoring position. Otherwise, he is useless. That must have something to do with that roostertail on his face.

6) Left-handed people are agents of Satan, which is the only reason why I believe that my saintly Cardinals cannot overcome their wickedness. I demand holy water, a young priest and old priest, and everyone to shout "The power of Christ compels you!" every time a lefty takes the mound against the Birdos.

7) Submarine, side arm pitchers are lesser demons...but in league with the Dark Lord just the same.

8) Whoever wins this series stands no chance against the Tigers. Imagine how funny that would have sounded last year when the Tigers lost 91 games.

9) Carlos Beltran is a monster on par with Godzilla in that he was created unnaturally by a nuclear explosion in the Pacific. That is why he is such a potent switch-hitter.

10) David Wright was created from pieces of dead baseball players, much like Frankenstein, and was chanted and prayed to life during an Aztec ritual lead by Pedro Martinez.

11) Charles Bronson said it best, "This ain't ovah."


VIVA EL BIRDOS Y VIVA EL MUSTACHE!