October 10, 2008

Big Ticket Bryan Johnsonalia

Friends, Lovers, Admirers:

Who wouldn't want to own a pair Ernest Hemingway's shoes? Or a pair of F. Scott Fitzgerald's pants? Maybe a Kerouac duffle bag? Ray Carver's ice cube tongs? Or a Hunter Thompson suitcase for drugs?

The thing is, to get those kind of rare, one of a kind items, you have to get in on the ground floor. Like, before they were famous. When they were just struggling at their age's equivalent of a telephone relay jobs that take all their time away from productive creative writing. When they were considered a marginal talent at best by only their closest and nicest friends, like their mothers.

Well, I present to you such an opportunity. You can own my 1997 Pontiac Grand Am. The very same car that I drove sometimes to the bars of Mankato and also carried me to and yes, from, school as well. The very same car that my friend Todd (Brady) puked about a dozen White Castle hamburgers in quite a few years ago, which led to one of my amusing anecdotes. (The car is now clean and White Castle free!) Think, you can own that piece of Bryan Johnson history. What price would a person pay for such a unique item? Some would say that it is priceless, as meaning without a price they would be willing to pay, but I say to you...how about $900 (American).

Of course it's cash only, I don't trust any of you mugs not to bounce a check. And you'd have to come get it, but think of the joy you'd feel owning this car. It's perfect for a teen, namely a Boy teen, in need of relatively reliable transportation soon. Or perhaps a craft-minded poet who would like to transform the car into some kind of villanelle on wheels, a sonnet of the highways, a sestina of chrome. Or a White Sox fan needing to make an impulsive move, like Ozzie Guillen. Or a Cub fan wanting to throw a lot of money around for a proven veteran of transportation. Or a New Yorker, because we all know, everybody in New York needs a car.

And, it is Minnesota winter tested, and comes equipped with an engine block heater for those cold fucking nights. Plus, let's not forget, this is total ground-floor Bryan Johnson memorabilia here, people. Don't let this moment pass you buy. This is ten times better than the Jon Voight car that George bought on Seinfeld, because all he's done of note is watch Ned Beatty get raped, have sex for money while befriending a guy named Rizzo, and have an estranged relationship with this hot daugther. And I, my friends, have not done anything like that.

Anyway, here's the link to the Car Soup page. There's your chance people. Don't miss out.

viva el mustache


Bronson said...

I'll give you 1850 yuan for it.

Oh, and could you deliver it to Harvey, North Dakota?

Jorge said...

If it was rear wheel drive, I would consider it. Then I could mount skis on the front and have a serious snow mobile.