(Not So) Out

Friends,

One of the perks of my job is that a fella can get some stuff read between calls. Since some folks quit and got fired recently, there's fewer souls manning the headsets so you get a lot less read than before, but still, you could still long some good reading time. And, since people read, they read a lot of magazines. Most of it is stuff like Details or People or US Weekly. You know, shit. But, I like to read my New Yorker's between call. And I've seen rocking The New Republic and The Economist, so it's not all trash. But the one thing most everyone has in common, no matter what magazine you're reading, they leave behind those annoying hard paper subscription inserts lying around the cube. Me being me, naturally picks them up and throws them away. If I gotta be there doing this nonsense, I at least want it to be tidy.

So, recently, I go to a cube, settle in for a long day, and see one of the cards on the floor. So, I pick it up and put it next to my stuff to make sure I throw it away. It was a subscription card for Out Magazine. I don't know anything about it, except they better not have some kind of lesbian Cosmo offshoot called Muffin or you know, man, I'll be like, "Shit, they beat me to it."

Anyway, I kept this card for Out Magazine. Brought it home with me. Scanned it. In fact, here it is.
It does appear to be a bargain. But that's not why I brought this card from Out Magazine home with me. Here's why it caught my eye:
What?!?! The magazine, according to the fine print that I cut off in error, says that it comes in a gray plastic wrap to protect privacy, which you opt out of. So the standard mode of delivery of OUT magazine is hidden inside plastic wrapping.

It's called Out Magazine. Out. As in, openly gay. It's not called Sort of Out, or Out to Everyone but Your Neighbors. It's called Out. They should never put a magazine called Out in a plastic wrapper. Ev-er.

Look, I understand the thousand or so reasons this is done, but, come on. It's called Out. How can you call yourself Out magazine and come in a plastic wrap to conceal what the magazine is? And, really, if you got nosy neighbors who you're hiding your sexuality from because they're crazy or whatever...you getting a magazine wrapped in gray plastic will automatically make you a weirdo because only weirdo magazines come in gray plastic wrapping that conceals what they are. And, really, if you got a neighbor that's that deep into your shit where you're worried about what impression your mail leaves on them, well, they already think you're gay or a terrorist or a pervert or something terrible there to fuck up the neighborhood and your mysterious magazine will only confirm their suspicions.

Out should pony up the dough to print special covers for those people requesting plastic covers. It should say Not Out on them instead...or at least slap a sticker on it or something.

viva el mustache