Euphemistic Language...If You Know What I Mean

Friends,

I was lying in bed last night, and I got to thinking. Is there a phrase in the english language that cannot be turned into some smart allecky comment on sex if you add that little mouth-snap noise or "If you know what I mean" afterwards?

Back in Carbondale, Emily did the laundry every Wednesday, which was also drinkin' day for the history people. So she would cop out with the excuse, "I'm doing laundry." So that became, "doing the laundry, eh?" Kinda loses something in the text form, but if you could hear me say it, you'd understand that those history types made doing the laundry sound like something you'd see on Showtime AfterDark.

I suppose direct phrases like: "going to have sex" can't really be a euphemistic. And as I'm writing this out, this seems like a Saturday Night Live sketch premise. Something after Weekend Update though when it really goes in the crapper. I think Joe Montana did a sketch like that once, actually.

On a note that has nothing to do with that above, I was "called out" in workshop again. Well, not me personally, but that whole "show some fire, kids," thing was laid out there again by my workshop instructor. When I get those, part of me really wants to make teacher happy and go in there and be a firebreathing son-of-a-bitch next time and yell, "No, fuck your second-person POV framing device! And you, asshole, no more surprise endings." But another part of me thinks, "No, I'll do what I like thank you. If I have nothing to add to the discourse, I will not add to the discourse. This doggy don't like to bark unless I need to."

Maybe stems from a lack of confidence or assuming that others know more...but, hell, I make comments on their papers about what I think that I expect them to read and consider, why not pipe up in class...not too much of a difference...except I might fall into some kind of argument then have to defend myself quickly...which, I cannot do with much success. But, whatever, I'm not some embittered arrogant "I'm better than you, asshole" MFA'er yet. But I do know one thing for certain...that kid with the superpowers who wished people into cornfield and by blinking and everyone was super nice to him because of that was played by Bill Mumy in a fucking Twilight Zone episode (it was in 1961, teleplay by Rod Sterling or whatever the shit his name way) and wasn't a goddamn Ray Bradbury story.

Oh, a mustache post is in the oven. Probably about Borat or Clark Gable or something. I just gotta to write it.

VIVA EL MUSTACHE!