Ups and Downs

Friends,

Ah, the hangover of a World Championship. It's a strange thing. I suppose when I was 3, I just sort of stumbled around and occasionally looked at my dad and said "Can you fucking believe Willie McGee?" And he would nod approvingly. Now, I do that with Emily, only I say, "Can you fucking believe Jeff Weaver?"

Today, in lovely Mankato town, I saw two political rallies. I went to the Republican one because John "Goiter" McCain was going to be there. And I went to the Democratic one because John "Melty-face" Kerry was going to be there. So I figured, hey that's probably two of the 08 presidential frontrunners, might as well. Now, to the device:

Up: John McCain was every bit a charmer as I thought he was going to be and he said some funny things, but nothing of substance whatsoever, except some offhand knock about what John Kerry said. I'd have to say that the total number of people at that rally was closer to 150 (as Emily estimated) rather than the 300 that was leaked to the Democratic organizers (we heard whispers while that guy who wrote that zamboni song played...name was Zeller something...fella can play, but what's it with Minnesotan and their need for music to be guitar+harmonica+voice only?).

Down: McCain said this: "It's hard to do the work of God in the city of sin." Now....now....what the fuck John McCain? Honestly. His segue into that....apparently the Republican congress passed a 3 million dollar bill or whatever to fund research on bear DNA. Then he took it to the God hole, and dunked all over us. Really cheesed me off to hear a guy I thought I liked to say that. If he wants to do God's work, then he should join a seminary or baptist school or get ordained online or go dig up some golden fucking tablets and start marrying 14 year olds (I'm still reading that Mormon book). The American Constitution is not a document of divinity, it's just the goddamn rule of law...it's Caesar's business, so leave it unto him fuckers, and get your grimey little nail scarr'd hands out of it. Sorry. I don't mean to swear so much.

Up: Apparently this was a Tim Pawlenty rally that I attended, so I got to see what Minnesotans decided was better than a professional wrestler. All in all, not too bad. I mean, he said some interesting things, made a couple people clap...he did tell this bizarre story about how we all need to be like Michael Jordan...so next time I see John Paxon, I'm gonna punch that fucker in the head, just like Jordan would have...Gil Gutneckt, soon to be former representative of Minnesota's First gave Pawlenty credit for the brilliant idea of important drugs from Canada...too bad the Democrat govenor of Illinois thought of it and did it first (go Blagoevich, you crooked bastard, go!)....and you know, I don't think it was Illinois' idea first either, but I thought it was pretty funny that Gutneckt (good speaker, but really looked like a car salesman) gave credit where credit clearly wasn't due. Why is this an up? Well, there was this college Republican there that was freakishly devoted to the Republican cause. Blind faith is always frightening (yes, even the band), but this guy cracked me up, because he was the only one that yelled whoo the whole time and he shook like a Quaker when Pawlenty walked out on stage. OH, and they kept calling McCain a "real American hero" so, he would be an ideal president if COBRA were the enemies we are fighting. And, you know, how badass would it be if our enemies really had those whackjob outfits. I mean, if Kim Jong Il had a silver head, how awesome would that be?

Down: John Kerry did not come to Mankato. Oh well, I've seen his schtick before and he's just as slimy as the next politician, but he up and fucked up the other day, so he had to cancel all his meetings. I actually learned about his cancellation while at the Republican rally. They said it was for a "foot-in-mouth-ectomy" which got an appreciative chuckle. Anyways, no Kerry. And after we left the Democrat rally, I lost my SIU knit cap so I had to purchase a replacement MSU knit cap.

Up: Tim Walz was the featured speaker at the Democrat event, and that dude's got my vote. I went in with an open mind, but that s.o.b's got some fire to him. Sure, he may fold into the mass of crazies in the House and become another Democrat rubber stamp (he went on about how Republicans and corporations, blah,blah,blah), but right now, that cat's got moxie. He also came within a hairsbreadth of saying "those fatcats in Washington" and I love it when a candidate goes old school like that. He seemed truly excited about his opportunity to represent this area, so I'm for you Walz. Plus, he used to be a high school geography teacher, so to me, that means he's anti NCLB, and that's okay by me. I was entertained greatly by this older lady who kept yelling "Hey hey!" very loudly and she wasn't Willie Mays (the Say Hey Kid) or Krusty the Klown, but she loved saying "Hey hey!" like you'd hear amen at a Pentecostal church. Also present, a person dressed in a donkey suit who did a dance with each applause break. Very classy. Or should I say assy. And an old man in front of me thought I worked for the Washington Post because I was wearing my Nationals hat (yes, I'm an StL fan, but dammit I like that W logo they got, and I'm all for league parity and exciting penant races)....I like that I am able to pull off that easy professional cool look.

Down (on me.....someone, cue the Janis Joplin song): Aw, quick hits time. 1) Made an ass out of myself in Contemp Poe again cause I don't know no Contempo Poe and couldn't be more uncomfortable talking about it because I am an awful bullshitter when it comes to sounding smart. Dirty and witty repoirte, sometimes....quick intellectually...never, ever. 2) Turned in for workshop and I plan on being evicerated....why, well, I know it wasn't terribly strong to begin with (thank you playoff baseball), but I just glanced at it again and I just realized I used the word "wall" about six or seven times on the first page, and I know that'll get brought up, and I know I'll have to hear about it......oh, and it's gimmicky, unbalanced, light on detail in the correct places, it's a bit too unified, and the ending is a big ole hamfist. So, it'll be your typical workshop. 3) They killed off one my favorite Lost character's today...the fuckers. 4) It's fuckin cold. 5) I still need to buy my ATL plane ticket and do all my AWP business. 6) Borat the Movie opens this weekend in U.S. and A ... and it is NOT coming to Mankato...not a success....instead, we get Santa Clause 3...and another week of 2 screens of the Grugde 2 at the 6 screen theater....7) I'm pretty sure I've eaten 18 individual kit kat bars today....what the hell.

Up (on me): Did I mention the Cardinals won the World Series? ....I am getting better at understanding poetry, which is good...the last paper I wrote I talked about vowel sounds, and to me, that's a big hurdle I have leapt because never have I considered meaning to be conveyed through sounds of letters, not meanings of words, so hey...go me....Also, I'm getting the hang of flash fiction, and I'll probably submit a thing or two to the Blue Earth Review...Melissa (Brandt) complimented me on my poetry skills, now, it may have been sarcastic, but any compliment about a poem titled "The Wrestler's Pants" I'll take quickly.....Emily and I bought the Lego Star Wars game (the first one, it was twenty dollars) and one of the special unlockable feature is...mustaches. Hells yes...Also, marshmallows taste like marshmallows, just like how cheese tastes like cheese...you don't say cheese tastes like milk, even though it's made of milk....And finally there is this:

Keith Olbermann Kicking Ass (this is a transcript of the event, I thought I had the video linked at first....I was wrong)
I watched this unfold live on MSNBC and it was awesome. I love seeing a guy who got fired from Sportscenter swinging his political balls around like weapons of truthy death, and this is seriously forceful and I wish more people would see this. Now, of course, this ultimately means nothing because he's a pundit. He's a likable O'Reilly, and Olbermann has a smaller audience so he's gotta scream and shout and find a bowl of cereal to shit in so people will notice him. I mean, that kooky hatemonger Ann Coulter farts in a library and CNN has three stories about her disrespecting the English language within the hour but Olbermann's got honest to god thoughtful shit to say, but beyond liberal blogs and his network, you don't see him. And that's a shame.

Incredibly long post over....till next time.

VIVA EL MUSTACHE!