Censored For Your Pleasure

Friends,

I was watching the Oxygen channel for research into how the fairer sex treats the mustache in their made for cable fairer-sexier films when they began playing the edited version of "Adaptation." It's a good movie, not something I think is particularly lady friendly, but hey, what do I know, I'm just a dude (a clean shaven dude...might as well be a chick).

Anyways, I was watching that film, and it got to the part where Nic Cage talks to his agent (played by the swinging Ron Livingston). While in that conversation, Ron Livingston says something along the lines of "I'd fuck her up the ass." Now, even though Oxygen must be all about the romance (it is a channel for women after all), they were not allowed to play Ron's direct romantic overture unedited. Instead, they changed it to:

"I'd flag her at half-mast."

That's right. "I'd fuck her up the ass" became "I'd flag her at half-mast."

That one goes right into my edited films hall of fame. There's only two other quotes, and here they are:

From Mallrats: Jay says, in reference to two unconscious game show contestants, in the unedited version: "All they needed was a fat chronic blunt." The edited version, "All they needed was a fast karate punch." The other beautiful thing about the edited Mallrats is that the voice of Jay is completely off. Might as well have an English accent it's so bad.

From The Big Lebowski: Walter says, while destroying a Corvette with a bat, in the unedited version, "Do you see what happens when fuck a stranger in the ass!" In the edited version, "Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps." And, that may not be the best one in that movie. I don't know the exact quote, but later in that same tirade with Walter bashing the car, in the edited version, they have him mumbling about scrambled eggs. If you ever get a chance to see this, please watch it.


VIVA EL MUSTACHE!