Entrepreneurial Spirit

Friends,

This is a light post, but lately I've been overcome with genius ideas that feel like sharing. I really do need to get back to doing some mustache content here, but over the summer and I get a few stolen moments away from my thesis, maybe I can unleash some mustache. Anyways, each of these is a million dollar idea, so if any of you steal it...I would please like some of that money too.

1) Start a restuarant in Mankato that is near the bars and it's operating hours are 6pm to 2pm. What would I serve at this resturant. Well, from 6pm until 3am, I would serve cheap drunk food. Bargain cheeseburgers, fried things, maybe gyros, or grilled bagels, something any self-respecting starving drunk would want to eat. But then around 4, switch over to a hippie breakfast shop, serving your gluten-free muffins and omelettes with avocado in it. This town needs a hippie-dippie breakfast shack, and you can't go wrong with offering 2 dollar hamburgers to drunks. The perfect location would be right there between that head shop next to Blue Bricks and that mini-mall kind of thing.

2) Lesbian Cosmopolitan. Not the drink, but the magazine. I was talking to the MFA'ers resident non-white, non-middle-class sexpert, and she told me that there really isn't pornography speficially designed for the lesbian palate, so I got to thinking what other market holes are needed to be filled. Some days later, Mitch came into the office reading a Cosmo with it's 10 Ways to Please a Man bullshit (honestly, how many years has Cosmo been in print, and how many times have they made that list? If Cosmo readers can't please a man by now, they don't a have fucking chance, they should give up, get some cats and take up needlepoint). Anyways, I had a viola! Moment, and realized that there needs to be a Lesbian Cosmo. Now, turns out there are two magazines that exist that deal with similar issues. One of them being Lesbian Nation Mag and the other is DIVA. Lesbian Nation is only on-line, and DIVA is a British publication, so what's missing is a good old fashioned American lesbian Cosmo. Me and the sexpert got dibs on starting this magazine. Hell, we even picked out our first cover girl, and possible features for the magazine as well, like sex toy descriptions and tests (like Car & Driver) and our magazine would be double sided. Read it one way, it's your for lipstick lesbians, but flip it over, and it's for the butch lesbians. Kind of like how this book works.

3) The Bryan Johnson Quarterly. This is a literary magazine I would like to start. The gimmick, well, each story I would select must use the name "Bryan Johnson" in it. It can be different Bryan Johnsons in each story, but the name needs to appear in either the poems, short stories, plays, or non-fiction received. I would of course expect the highest quality of fiction, but with that little hitch. I'm just kind of curious what would come of that, and what kind of writers would it attract. And what would the reading experience be? As a reader, would you be able to separate the different Bryan Johnson's from each story, or would there be carry over? And I wonder how many people, independently, would come up with similar Bryan Johnson characters for their story. Oh, yeah, the shorthand for my lit mag would be BJ Quarterly, which the smart-ass hipsters who read it would call "Married-life Head."

4) Well, there's the Oprah thing. That's not a way for me to make millions, just Terrance Hayes.

5) Last one: Catholic Saint Cartoon Figurines. Now, I know what you're thinking. Hey, Stache, you're ripping that off from that Buddy Christ thing, from that crapular Kevin Smith movie (don't argue with me, go back, watch it right now if you think it's so good and then you'll know I'm right). But, there is a multitude of Catholic saints (and they say they aren't polytheistic). So, why not create an entire line of cartoonish, yet still faithful statues of the saints. It would appeal not only to Catholics, but also toy collectors, not to mention it would make Catholicism seem less stodgy. What's wrong with a little light heartedness in religion, and these saints, which could see for like 10 bucks a piece, would be great. Oh, I just had another idea, kind of like a Justice League for young Catholics were all the Saints get together to do saintly things like find your car keys and whatever else they do. That would be pretty damn awesome.


VIVA EL MUSTACHE