Taking Applications for a Max Perkins

Friends,

There is a post about my Dorothy Allison encounter, but it is two posts down. I started it before I put up the bit about he plagarism, so when I finished it, it got stuck right below that post. So give it a read if you like. Now, were comes a bullet list of updates:

• Last night, I wrote up this piece about my blindness in my left eye and the trouble it poses in seeing 3D. This came to light because I tried to watch Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D....didn't really work out for me. Blogger decided to eat the post, so you don't get to read it. But, if you have two working eyeballs, go see that movie in 3D...according to the mezmerized people around me, it was pretty good.

• Today, I had to buy a new belt because my old belt was too big. That is a proud moment of my defattening. I'm still hovering around the three-bills area on weight, but this is the first time I ever had to downsize an article of clothing. I could get used to this.

• I decided that I need to find myself a Max Perkins. Max Perkins is the man responsible for editing some of the world's finest literature, and apparently he was more of a word sculptor than an editor. I could really use a guy like that for my thesis/writing life.

• I read this article that revealed to me that maybe Raymond Carver wasn't such a hot shit writer. Not that he wasn't talented, don't get me wrong, but that trademark Raymond Carver minimalism is more the work of his editor Gordon Lish than anything. And, I also learned a bit more about Max Perkins in that article, as well as the fact the Ezra Pound shaped TS Eliot's The Wasteland from some parody poem Eliot wrote called "He Do the Police in Different Voices." All of that made me realize that the one thing separating me from literary greatness is an editor who is vastly more talented than me.

• Finally, today on CNN, I saw this dumb-fuck, inconsequential announcement: Dumbledore is gay. You know, JK Rowling...fuck you. Why does it matter? Why reveal it if your books couldn't? What's the value? Did you get a little moist from learning that Harrison Ford was a replicant in Blade Runner though there are no clues viewers of mortal intelligence could figure out in the movie so Ridley Scott had to tell everyone 25 years later? That kind of think turn you on? Will Hagrid become some kind of pansexual lothario, ramming himself into whatever magical beast is rearly presenting? Clearly that has just about as much relevance to the Harry Potter story as Dumbledore's gayness. If Dumbledore's sexuality has absolutely no bearing to the entire mythology of the world you created, and since you couldn't sneak it past your editors (if you have them) and you couldn't deftly put in your stories...then whichever gender Dumbledore stuck his imaginary wizard dick into for fun doesn't matter. I don't care what you say now, but unless you go back into your novels and give me good godamn reason to care about why he's gay, then you're just being a look-at-me douche. It's like she's screaming, waving her arms for attention or something. Jesus Christ lady, you wrote the goddamn Harry Potter series, you have a billion dollars, well done, go live happy....why do something so valueless just to stir up controversy or sales or whatever. Maybe she is exacting some kind of revenge on the one person at Scholastic who had the balls to edit her great and mighty voice...someone who must have said, "Jo, darling, that part in Deathly Hallows where Dumbledore is chugging cock for 90 pages really seems out of place and irrelevant...maybe that shouldn't be in there because sexual preference has no weight anywhere in these books, so it seems like a red herring like your pleading to be looked at like the high school boys who wear trench coats and think they're different." Maybe she is trying to make sure that fundie Christians really won't read her books, because I'm sure the wizarding business took care of that. You know what, JK, until you go back and re-edit your Potter books to include good reasons as to why Dumbledore needs to be gay (hey, if Tolkien can do it...he heavily changed the Hobbit once he decided to write Lord of the Rings) and makes this little announcement seem like less of a stupid vapid stunt, then you can't grow a mustache because we here at BOMM are denying your mustache rights for being so spineless in writing your novels that you couldn't even breath a gay whisper in until you cashed most of the checks. Deal with that!

VIVA EL MUSTACHE

PS....Mattie Vercant...we got ourselves a motherfucking paper topic for Terminus now, baby.