Another BOMM Eulogy

(image captured Yahoo! News)

Friends,

This has been a bad week for the sporting kind. First, Sir Edmund Hillary passed away. Then, Bobby Fischer, chess master, died. Now today comes news that the co-founder of

Wham-O Toys, the company that brought us the hula hoop, Frisbee and super ball, Richard Knerr, has died.

As you can see from the photo above, you can tell why we here at BOMM decided to honor Mr. Knerr, instead of Hillary or Fischer (Tenzig Norgay did have mustache though). Also, let's not undersell the importance that Knerr has had on America at large.

First, look at the Frisbee. Would hippies have ever been the same if not for the Frisbee? Hm? What are they going to do...throw boomerangs? Well, that's not exactly communal. They could through a football, or baseball, or something, but that's too establishment for the hippieocracy (the formal body that makes hippie laws). Plus, Seth's favorite shitting story about crapping into a broken Rainbow Foods toilet would only be half-as-awesome if not for the game of ultimate Frisbee he was playing. Also, let's not overlook the fact that dogs who wear bandannas would look very stupid, if not for the act chasing Frisbees thrown by their masters. On a personal note too, my first (and only) dog was named Frisbee because I had wanted to teach her to try to catch Frisbees (she tried once, got hit in the eyes, and never tried again). Oh, this would be a different world if not for the Frisbee.

Next, let us look at the super ball. How many quarters would you have compiled over the years if not for buying super balls as an impulse at the grocery store? Better yet, how many super balls would you have if you hadn't lost them all. Think of all the jobs and economy created by just that one thing. How many rubber workers that were kept employed to make those balls, how many metal miners were kept employed to make the coins... Never had small rubber balls ever had this much importance...unless there becomes a testicular cancer epidemic, and many people need a cosmetic ball so not to appear half-sacked.

Finally, his most important invention was the hula hoop. Why? Would suburban, traditionally raised, modest women ever know how to move their hips if not for the hula hoop? I'd even go so far to say that the hula hoop was probably the one device that yanked America out of the 1950s and into the sexual explosion. Looking at all those women, gyrating around, pelvically, add to that the sound hula hoops made with the rocks or whatever inside that rhythmically rattled, like the springs of a cheap motel bed...what's a fella to think? So naturally, as a culture, there was a sexual awaking, and because we were so wiped out from the fuckin'...we grew out our hair and started chucking a Frisbee around. I mean, look for yourself:

So would it surprise any of you to know that the man responsible for the sexual revolution was mustachioed? Absolutely not. See, the mustachioed man is really just bipedal sex-aura...like a cloud of id that needs weekly trimming. What Mr. Knerr did was take his potent sexuality, packaged it as a toy, and essentially, gave everyone a hypersexualized way of understanding being alive...much like it is to be mustachioed.

God bless you, Mr. Knerr!

Vaya con dios Sr. Knerr!