The Sam Elliot Lifetime Achievement in Mustache

Whose mustache is that? The mustache that will be the recipient of the Lifetime Achievement in Mustache honor? Sam Elliot. Who else could it be? Tom Selleck? Please. We all love Magnum and that sweet helicopter that's on his speed dial and the Hawaiian digs, but when was the last time you saw Tom Selleck in anything respectable? He's TV Movie Tom Selleck, he's...Well, that's all he is. Playing a grizzled cop on your Sunday evening CBS movie. Hopefully, he'll come back like Macarthur to Asia...And we shall sign an unconditional surrender to his risen stache like so many Japanese generals. But until then...fuck'em. What about Burt Reynolds? Yeah...What about him? His face looks like leathery pulled taffy, especially around the eyes. I should put a photo of him up here, but Jesus, there are some lines I will not cross. He WAS Evening Shade for Christ's Sakes. However, the Burt we knew is dead. Plus, his best roles were mustacheless. The Longest Yard (the one without Adam Sandler)...Deliverance...Striptease. Perhaps Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds will combine forces to whomp all of our asses with an elderly update of staching Tango & Cash...But we here at B.O.M.M can only hope. The honoree of the inaugural Sam Elliot Lifetime Achievement in Mustache goes to its namkesake, the purveyor of stache-cool...Sam Elliot.

Sam's mustache career has hit all phases except Hitler. He's done molestache, math-teacher, bushy, cowboy...Such versatility. He is the Steve Buscemi of mustaches....The Peter Lorre...The Wilem Defoe...Just quality mustache consistently. Plus, he is the only prominent mustache in the classic Coen Brother's flick The Big Lebowski. Some may think it is not the best Coen Brother's movie...But those people are wrong. We here at B.O.M.M hold a special place for Miller's Crossing...But when was the last time you saw Gabriel Byrne rock the stache? Exactly. Also, there ain't no Miller's Crossing-Fests are there? Nope. But, there is a LebowskiFest. Proof positive that Lebowski is superior to Miller's Crossing. This isn't about that...it's about Sam Elliot's mustache. A glorious beast of a mustache that rules us all with an iron fist. Oh goodness, let's just look at his staches:

Sam's math-teacher from the movie 'The Hulk." Angular, well-trimmed, thick, o, so thick. Yes, that's a stache.

Sam's molestache from just kicking around Los Angeles with a young lady. Not wise look for a man wearing a molestache to be seen holding a girl that looks about 30 years younger, but he's Sam "Fuck You" Elliot. That's not a molestache...that's...magnificent. That's such a manly stache you forget the grandpa lap-rides that it's history suggests. Just soak up it's soupy manness.

Sam's cowboy. Whew. You could bulid a porch swing off the corners of that stache and Sam would just laugh at you while you swung the day a-way while sipping lemonade in the shadow of his bushy masculinity.

Sam brings the heat for the ladies (that chest hair goes all the way up...and down)

Now this is Sam Elliot with Cher. Now, how can he stay manly and still be seen with Cher? Sonny Bono had a mustache and even he couldn't do it...so how...HOW does Sam do it? Pure mustache power. Sonny sang and skied (but wasn't so good at skiing). Sam just has "it." That testosterone essence, aura, energy vortex that swirls man vectors around him at all time. He's got it...that's why he's B.O.M.M's lifetime achievement award.

We kept the preceding photos small so not to overwhelm anyone with Sam Elliot's upperlip man-locks. But this last pic is a little bigger so be warned. It's the mustache all B.O.M.M members wish we could have. This is our North Star. Here it is...

...Glorious.

Viva el mustache!