Mustache of the Year: 2005

Hulk Hogan. What else can be said? He's rocked a white-hot blonde molestache for years. He is the professional wrestling icon. Don't give me none of your Andre the Giant or Dick the Bruiser or your Bushwhackers. Wrestling's number one man is Hulk Hogan. C'mon, the man's name was Hulk. Don't get much more manly than that. Yeah, you're thinking "What about Macho Man...his name states that he is macho." Bullshit. Macho Man was a skinny little beard-wearer. As Jesus has illustrated for us, mustache means strength while beard means nothing except lack of a razor. Plus, how did this so-called Macho Man finish off his opponents? Jumped off the top rope and hit them with his elbow. Pussy. Any dude can do that. Hogan...he let you punch him in the head over and over again until he got mad. Once he got mad, oh, it's your ass. He'd punch you in the head, kick you in the face and drop a leg across your neck. The leg drop was a little lame, but any dude who treats punches to the head like spinach to Popeye is not a dude to fuck with I assure you. Also, it is not a coincidence that Hulk Hogan was the biggest toe on the wrestling foot for years and he rocked the mustache. How many years did it take before Hogan wasn't an important wrestling figure? 20 years? Who was he supplanted by? Steve Austin...another mustachioed man. But, again, any person wearing a mustache that has such a negative history and through mustache-related perseverance overcome its stigma and wear it proudly. Good job, Hulk. We here at B.O.M.M applaud your ability to keep the mustache a proud feature of an iconic man. You have done much for the mustachioed cause.

Why is 2005 the year of Hulk Hogan's mustache? Shouldn't this honor have been bestowed 20 years ago? Nope. This year alone, Hogan was inducted into the professional wrestling hall of fame, he had a reality show on VH1, and he wrestled his final match at Wrestlemania. That's a quality year for a quality mustache that has served him well throughout his career. So there he is, Mr. Mustache 2005: Hulk Hogan, the winner of the inaugural Mustache of the Year Award. Congratulations, Hulk!
(Pre-Mustache, Unmanly, Douchey, Terry Hogan)
(Champion Wrestler, Champion Mustache. Bravo)
("Hollywood" Hogan. Sad day for wrestling fans, except the mustache stayed blonde and present. Yeah, he has a beard, but also "Hollywood" was cowardly and evil. So, Hogan had to grow a beard to show his cowardly side. But kept the mustache to one, reassure everyone that the real Hulk was still there and two, to show how manly he is underneath this beard and a force to be reckoned with. Also it is widely believed by wrestling fans that the actual town of Hollywood is populated by "the gays" [wrestling fans words, not members of B.O.M.M], so wrestling fans would assume that this Hogan was less manly and associated with "the gays", therefore he had to grow the beard to show his decline in manly stature. [we here at B.O.M.M believe the opposite, keep an eye out for a post about our position on this topic])
(The Hogan we love, we remember, and we embrace into the Benevolent Order of Mustachioed Men.)