Friends, our recently annointed Best NCAA Basketball Mustache 2006 Adam Morrison's dreams of a NCAA Championship have been dashed. Who's to blame?
First, the entire basketball team of UCLA. And you know, fuck'em. UCLA...haven't you won enough? Huh? Honestly, what the hell is wrong with you UCLA? Greedy. Ugly baby-blue and yellow uniforms. Ridiculous mascot (Bruins? Fuck that. It's a hockey team, not a basketball team). Goddamn California. You know, this is just another example of the liberal Hollywood elite squashing good, honest American dreams under their thumbs. So, UCLA...consider yourself dead to all members of B.O.M.M.
Second...JP Batista. Who is this guy? Well...during last night's game, Gonzaga was winning by one point with 20 seconds left. And JP Batista let UCLA steal the ball from him and score the go-ahead points and ultimately won the game. So, you know, what the fuck JP Batista? You're going to try to be a professional basketball player and you pull that shit? I mean, please. Sir, Robert Horry you are not. Here's the picture of this main offender, so if you see him...wag your finger at him...and remind him that we here at B.O.M.M. veto his mustache growing. You see that JP? No mustache recognition for you! Rick Santorum and JP Batista, brothers in disallowed mustaches.
Fuck you, JP. (Looks like an asshole anyways)
And, just look what these people did to one of our beloved B.O.M.M members:
They made him sad. Real sad. Do they know how much it takes to make a mustachioed man cry? Do you? I'm willing to bet his grandma was near death, and she said to him, in a croaky near-death voice, "Win it Gammy, Adam. Win it for Gammy." Then she died. Well UCLA and JP Batista made sure Gammy died in vain. What fuckers they are, eh? Or perhaps terrorist/gamblers kidnapped his parents and said, "You win dat game, you're your parents get it." Well guess what UCLA & JP Batista...his parents got it..because of you. Don't you feel bad? Don't you feel like assholes? Be ashmed! You...you...cocks. But don't worry Adam, we'll always love'ya, baby. It'll be okay within the warm embrace of B.O.M.M...we'll be your family now.
VIVA EL MUSTACHE!!!!
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1 comment:
Of course we must accept him as one of our own--but only out of default. Honestly, that's the ugliest mustasche I've ever seen. I don't think he's doing it on purpose, either. It looks like an accident--or at least a mistake.
It's like that first junior high kid who suddenly sprouted a cross between peach fuzz and armpit hair on his lip. It's like blurry fur, a coarse shadow. And before anyone can warn him, one day it dawns on him and everyone that he has not a majestic 'stache, but a fledgling shadow-lipper that needs grooming.
Somehow, though, it works for Basketball What's-His-Face. I think it works because he's just that devoted to the GAME, man. He only looks into the TEAM mirror, man. He hasn't looked into his own mirror since junior high--since before that shadow became 3D.
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