Mustache Cup

Friends....

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!

Now, I've been genuinely enjoying the World Cup. Who knew? Maybe it's the spectacle. Maybe it's the pretty girls in the crowd. Maybe it's the sheer excitment those German crowds show when living and dying with every kick. Maybe it's the bad acting and flopping around that makes these athletes look like spoiled little girls.

Ah, but no matter the reason, a team must win and then be the best soccer team on earth for the next four years. Now it is down to two, Italy and France...time for mustache science. BEHOLD!

First up...Team Le Frenchies

That is Frank Ribery, a midfielder. Gotta love a man named Frank with a mustache. And a big ole scar on his face. And check out that hairline on the sides...it's almost like his hair is growing crooked. He's got some nice tobacco-chewin teeth. Uneven ears. I am just giving this guys face bones some hell, but you know, he's the only mustache on France's team. And hell, I can get behind that. France isn't exactly a nation of mustache. Yeah, they may be known for their pencil-thin froo-froo mustache things. But, at least their national mustache has an identity. And Yahoo calls this guy fast and tricky. A fast and tricky guy named Frank with a mustache and a whoop-ass face scar, probably earned in a knife fight in Casablanca or some Paris alley. This guy is a footballin film noir villian. I like this guy. He's got moxy and mustache.

Now....The Team-a Italiano

This is Gennaro Gattuso, a midfielder as well. He is known as an agressive player with a nickname that means Growl. He's suave. He's got those damn curly locks. He looks like he drives sports cars, listens to dance music, hangs around fountains in Rome while wearing white suits and sniffing flowers only to sidle up to your gal and whisk her away on his motoscooter. Ciao. I was told once as well that Italian soccer players don't wear underpants in case they have to make passionatel love to beautiful women on the pitch. Clearly this guy doesn't wear underpants. And can you blame him. Now, about that mustache though. Signor Freeballo nearly has a beard. In fact, I would say he is trying to grow a beard but his Italian manliness refuses to grow hair that connects his lopsided stache to his chin beard compliment. But he's all man...and Italian.

So the choices to the world cup are between the mutant noir villian who'd knife you for some hooch, or the bad motoscooter with his guinea charm (to use a Godfather expletive)...and mustache science points to........

FRANCE!

France shall win the cup. Why? Well, he's just more mustache manly. That Italian, he's slick he's smooth, he's....Italian. That French guy has something to prove. He's like, "Hey world, I'm a man. I don't surrender. I am a man. Check out my mustache." Any guy with something to prove is a guy for me.

VIVA EL FRANCE Y VIVA EL MUSTACHE!!!