Behold a Pale Horse. And the Man Who Sat on Him Was Mustachioed

Friends,

I love TNT. Why? Because it shows movies that someone of us may have forgotten about. Recently, it showed Tombstone, a movie that should never, ever be forgotten. Why? It is overwhelmed with mustacheness.

You see that guy to Kurt Russell's right? Yeah. Sam Fuckin Elliot with a mustache that enters the room 15 minutes before he does. Those other chuds have fake mustaches just out of envy of Sam Fucking Elliot. Here's a closer look at Russell's:

Like hell Kurt Russell can grow a mustache like that. I mean, where are the other great mustachioed Kurt Russell roles? There's no mustache in Escape from New York, or Overboard or Big Trouble in Little China. And he's a grade-A badass in each of those films. No way in hell a man with live testicles has an ability to grow a mustache like that and keeps it a secret. That's the kind of mustache that Keats would write odes too for Chirst's sake. Now, say his natural mustache looked like this:

Then, I can understand shaving it....I don't appove of it but some people wouldn't want to display that mustache publicly, especially a movie star. Hard to play, say, a hockey coach, with a mustache like that...who would believe it? We here at BOMM do not like to discriminate about mustaches, so we applaud Val Kilmer's mustache attempt shown above. But I bet that his is a fake too...so why pick that kind of mustache? Historical accuracy? Well...shouldn't they have busted up Val Kilmer's pretty face some too if they want accuracy?

No matter. This movie is crawling with mustaches, so fake or not, you got to like it. You just have to. Sorry. You like mustaches? You like this movie. It's just gotta be that way. And the best picture from Tombstone.....Mustache + Explosion = Mustache Explosion!

Look at Val Kilmer's face. You know what's he's thinking? "OooooooEeee! That's one sweet mustache, Sam Fucking Elliot." Or maybe he's whistling.

I hereby award Tombstone with the inaugural BOMM award for Mustache Greatness in Period Film About Real-Life Events. Congratulations cast & crew!!!!

VIVA EL MUSTACHE!