Dear Stanford...

I appreciate the kind words you said in your rejection letter for the Stegner Fellowship. Of the rejection letters I've received, it was in the top five I'd say, though it will be hard to unseat the one I got from University of Florida that had an extra "Keep writing," note from Padgett Powell. However, I have some complaints.

While I did like that the letter was sent on a half-glossy sheet of paper, would it have been too much trouble to send the rejection letter on actual Stanford stationary/letterhead and not something from OfficeMax? It's a small touch, but one that I think would improve the quality of the rejection letter.

Also, it was obviously photocopied, but it kind of looked like it was trying to mask that fact. Why? Either blow the smoke fully up my ass, or don't blow it up there at all. Don't give me just a few tickling wisps.

Essentially, to me this was a "No, fuck you" kind of rejection since it was on non-official Stanford paper and the obviousness of the copy-job and it was addressed to "Dear Writer." But, part of me wishes they would have pushed the "fuck you" further. If you're going to do something, it's worth doing right, correct? So why not give me one mimeograph style or a brochure to a trade school along with the no or do me one like SIUC or U of I had where you mail me someone else's rejection letter. Now that's how you really reject someone.

Anyway, thanks again Stanford. I hope my entry fee will be well spent.

viva el mustache