Mustache of 2006

Friends,

Last year, the BOMM award for mustache of the year went to Terry "Hulk" Hogan. Certainly it was a recognition that he truly deserved. He had rocked the molestache for years and years, without anyone so much as saying "Thanks for being a facial hair maverick, Hulk." Well, last year, we here at BOMM patted him on his oiled & leathery back and said thanks. This year, it is our honor to again honor a maverick of mustachedom. However, this year was a bit more difficult to decide who showed enough maverickness to be honored as this was a banner year for the rise of mustache. That may have something to do with this groundswell of 70's chic, but we shouldn't overlook BOMMs contribution to mustache awareness. Anyway, what follows are a couple people considered for mustache of the year for their boldness, manliness and sure mustache power:

Above is Jason Lee...a truly dignified mustache. It's a little shaggy, but that's part of its charm and personality. Maybe its even a little lopsided, but that's not a bad thing. That's man-character. And every Thursday night on NBC he and that mustache deliver hilarious white-trash comedy...which is why he isn't this years recepient. See, if My Name is Earl was, say, a high-brow comedy of manners, something with white gloves and haughtiness, then I'd say his mustache would be a brave choice. However, since his show is essentially trailer-park based, it's hard to confidently say that his mustache is actually lifting up the image and stature of the stache. Therefore, maybe next year, Jason Lee. Perhaps Earl will have to go to England and have some saucy wordplay over some tea...then he shall reign supreme.

Wow. We here at BOMM do not know who that guy is, but praying in his general direction 3 times a day would be appropriate. Allahstache? John Malkovich? Doesn't matter, it's fantastic. There's so much man going on there, the rest of his hair has fallen out out of shame since it could not compare to that mustache. He was not awarded mustache of the year, because, well...it looks like he's in some kind of competition. We here at BOMM appreciate mustache competition, but we doubt Allahstache bops around his mothercountry wearing that outfit yearround, and that's the real sign of manhood bravery. Any shulb can wear a mustache for a prize, even an ironic one. Sorry, Allahmustache...maybe next year. Maybe if there was a photo of him flicking cantalopes decked out like a drum major, then we would believe this is his natural state.

Ah...Melo. And if you've been watching Sportscenter recently, you'll have seen that he certainly isn't mellow. He's a sneaky face-puncher, which is one of the reasons BOMM decided not to honor this man with our yearly award. Mustaches are about manliness...nothing manly about a sneaky punch in the face. Now, the NBA has become a vault of mustache. Seriously, watch an NBA game...well, watch some highlights, and you'll see more mustaches there than at a Burt Reynolds fan club meeting. We have already acknowledged Shaq for having an awesome mustache last year (another strike against Melo), but every premier player in the league today (except for Steve Nash...but he's an Eh-Hole from Canada) has a mustache. So, why did we single out Carmelo Anthony above many, many other worthy candidates? Take a look at that mustache. It's about as close to a Hitler mustache you can wear in modern society without people calling you Hitler all the time. Notice how wispy it is going to the corners of his mouth...that man's breaking boundaries. Taking the mustache to new heights, and attempting, just like the Dunkin Donuts guy, to redefine the Hitler mustache to be more synonymous with something positive, like donuts and basketball. But, Melo up there fucked up and punched a guy in the face, ruining the goodness he had done for his mustache-image. Perhaps his mustache style got the best of him, and he had to lash out....but, whatever the reason, Melo...maybe next year. Just, no more blitzkreigs to the face bones, aight?

That brings us to the true honoree of BOMM's Best Mustache of 2006 (Here's two pictures):

Don't recognize that master of the mustache? Why, that's professional poker player Ted Forrest. Now, why Ted. Why indeed. Take a good look at that mustache. Doesn't seem like much of a mustache does it? Nope, sure don't, especially for a grown-ass man. That's precisely why he's the mustache of the year. That wiley card player has redefined the mustache! Just like how the first Rocky redefined winning as "going all the way" Ted Forrest has redefined the mustache as any kind of hair on the upperlip. All mustaches before had to have some kind of upperlip coverage, something that really has some thickness. Not Ted. Oh no. Other men would be embarassed by that kind of mustache. Ted Forrest? Fuck no. He grew it, went on national TV and dominated a poker tournament (notice the trophy). And what is poker? A man's game, baby. So he sported a man-cessory to rival the gods with its inventiveness and sheer balls to say to the world, "See this? This is a mustache too. Deal with it!" Now, that's a mustache maverick ladies and gentlemen. So this year, we at BOMM award you Ted "Rocky" Forrest mustache of the year. Congratulations, sir.

To one and all, have a safe and happy new years. And everyone, make a resolution for mustache in 2007. We must continue to press forward, and reach for that day in which mustache covers all our lips (except for the ladies: keep it smooth, girls).

VIVA EL MUSTACHE!!