Sadness & A Joke

Friends,

Tonight, Christmas Eve, one of our pet lizards, a green anole named Cilantro, died under mysterious circumstances. Not nefarious circumstances. There wasn't a lizard-sized candlestick in our atrium's conservatory or anything (and our other lizard isn't named Col. Mustard...it's Avocado). Cilantro had been acting strangely for a couple weeks now, sleeping a lot, not eating much, and tonight, when he died, we noticed he had a large black spot on his back near his tail. I was unable to find a clear reason for the spot online except that it meant he was seriously ill (no shit, internet). So we don't know if it was some kind of lizard cancer, or maybe ate something bad or who knows what actually caused it. No matter the cause, it certainly put a damper on our Chirstmas festivities. And, Jeff Suppan, honorary B.O.M.M member in spite of his beard, signed a 4 year, 42 million dollar contract with the Brewers. Essentially, bad news abounds, so to get our minds off the sad evening we watched that South Park Christmas special with the ten Christmas songs...you know, the one that has Jesus and Santa as lounge singers. We enjoyed it the best we could, but I got to thinking about Gerald Broflovski and his beard.

You see, Bronson (blog link to the right) threw down a facial hair challenge for winter break. He decided all males and facial-haired ladies of the English Department should grow beards...and the best beard, as judged by non-bearded ladies, will be awarded Best English Beard 2006. It's kind of like an honorary doctorate, but it's an award just the same. And, though I am dedicated to the mustache as my facial hair of choice (it being a clear declaration of manliness), I am never one to decline a challenge so simple as not shaving for a month. Plus, let's not ignore that the fact that from beards come mustaches. I like to think of beards as blocks of marble in which David-like mustaches can be carved.

So, I'm growing this beard, watching South Park and I realized that my beard, once complete, will look just like Gerald Broflovski. Here's a pic of Gerald, rocking it nice & sexy in a hot tub:

Now, I don't know it that helps or hurts my chances. Sure, I'll have the same beard as a celebrity...so that's gotta count for something. But, moments later in that South Park episode he masturbates in front of Randy Marsh (Stan's dad...who has a mustache) for experiment's sake. So, maybe this isn't the kind of celebrity beard I want. I do not believe there is a relation between this kind of beard and voyeuristic masturbation tendencies (thank god...I'd hate to think I was under the symbiotic control of my beard). Anyways, I have seen the future of my face, and it's Kyle's dad...Gerald Broflovski. Oy vey.

Hmm...now the uncomfortable task of transitioning from the above paragraph back to a solemn and surprising sincere farewell to our pet lizard, Cilantro, who, despite the fact was a small little lizard, was a cute little pet to have around, and will be missed.....It can't be done....here comes the end.

Vaya con dios, Cilantro.

Feliz navidad, todos, y todos a noche bueno.

Chingate, Jeff Suppan.

Y viva el mustahce, tambien.