Back in Action: Poetry Edition

Friends,

It's been far too long since my last post. God, I was doing so well, wasn't I? Sometime soon I'll get back to writing about my Dad, specifically about our fishing trips we took when I was younger. Don't know what I'm going to say about them, just going to start writing about it and see where it takes me. That's typically not the way I like to operate when I'm "writing" (perhaps that shows in the workshop pieces, like I'm struggling under the weight of something really oppressive, like a Sheffer-shaped weight). Anyways, more substance to come, but now, it's another call to arms.

Remember last year when I ran the largely unsuccessful campaign to get the mustache back on the Brawny man? That's okay if you don't remember, because we got to move forward, trudge on and make a difference in the world some other way. How? Well, beloved friends, we are going to start writing Oprah Winfrey some letters.

You see, I was talking to Dave Clisbee (mustachioed poet), and we realized that Oprah has yet to select a poetry book to her Book Club. And, it's not like she only picks bodice rippers. Shit, this month it's Cormac McCarthy. I really wish that she would have selected Child of God because I'd pay a good dollar to see the look on any stereotypical housewives face when they get to the part when the protagonist starts fucking that corpse. Anyways, here's what we got to go.

Step One:
E-mail Oprah's producers, requesting that she select Terrance Hayes' Wind in A Box for her book. Why that book? Well, she might like it, and he'd make a great interview. And if we are going to shawshank a book of poetry onto her book club, then we need a united front. (By shawshank, I mean writing letters to get something done...no prison rape). But in that e-mail, after the request, include a part about how she can help resurrect the form of poetry by selecting that book. If sales pick up, news stories will be written about Oprah saved poetry and so on. Yes, it'll be tough to hear that shit, but who cares if poets are getting paid like they should.

Step Two:
Repeat step one twice a week. Just like Shawshank, baby. Keep going, don't let up. Her producers probably get something like a million e-mails a day about how awesome Oprah is, and requests for make overs and cars. So we have to be diligent, and with that united voice, it'll show. And we got to keep firing away, it might take some time, but by come on, it's no retreat, no surrender time.

Now, say you get disheartened, or you really feel like trying to screw the man. You can always try getting on Oprah yourself. If you get on the show, you have to talk about poetry, and I don't care about what pretense you get on the show. Lie about having three gay brothers, say you lost 600 pounds, say you need some kind of wish fulfilled because you have some rare virus (Horn Kolb Syndrome perhaps). It doesn't matter how you get there, just get there, and connect your reason for being on the show back to a love of poetry. I ca nsee it now:
How'd you loss 600 pounds?
I quit eating because I read poetry.

How do you deal with Horn Kolb Syndrome?
I write poetry with a pencil in my mouth.

How'd you deal with three gay brothers?
Poetry, motherfucker. Poetry.


So, come on everybody. Let's get poetry on that booklist! Go Team Mustache!

VIVA EL MUSTACHE!!!!