Poker Legend Chip Reese is Dead

Friends,

Another person of interest to me has passed away. Poker legend Chip Reese was found dead today. He was 56.

He wasn't the most recognizable face on the poker television shows, but if you really got wrapped up in that whole thing, like I was, then you'll recognize the name. He was considered by many to be one of, if not the, best poker player. Take it easy, Chip. Rest up.


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Now is a time as good as any to talk about my poker playing experience. First, right here, I'm terrible at it. I get too nervous while playing amongst strangers to keep a catalog of their betting habits in my head, nevermind that I usually assume that everyone else at the table is better than me, since I'm a poker diletente. And when I play with friends, I'm too much of a goof to take it seriously. I'd rather chat than win their ten dollars. However, that does not mean I have not tried to play. Also, I need to make clear that the only type of poker I've played when I do it is Texas Hold'em, because that's what they do on the TV.

My first poker tournament, outside of the the home game with my idiot friends (that's a term of love, not derision) was for my friend Steve. The price of entry was 75 bucks, but I figured I could maybe finish in the money, at least get my fee back. I had played poker with Steve before, and beat him, so I figured that I had a chance since it was all these people Steve knew from his softball team playing. I got to the bar, there was quite a few people there, I'd say around 40 or so, and there were about 8 people at each table. I get assigned my seat, and start to playing. And, I'd say after about 30 minutes, I was the first guy to lose. What happened? I don't know. I think is that I got involved in hands I shouldn't have, playing starting hands like Q-9 off-suit out of position, and things like that. And I was unlucky, so whatever, I left with my tail between my legs, and 75 dollars poorer.

Months pass. I watch more poker on TV, and yes, I actually read a poker book written by Phil Helmuth, Jr. (note that I'm not linking you to the Amazon page for his book). You might recognize him as the crybaby douchebag guy who thinks he's better than everyeone else. And, you know, he writes exactly like that too. He uses more exclamation points than a Blondie comic strip. Overall, the book was absolutely no help whatsoever. A complete waste of money, for sure. But, I had read a book. And my friends and I were still playing occasionally, and I was winning a fair bit, so my confidence was building up. So I chalked up my first loss to inexperience. I was just some noob, a fish, a shitty player. But now, I am seasoned from my once-a-week poker jaunts, and the nightly rounds on the play-money hold'em website I frequented (I never played online for real cash, just the pretend stuff).

So I talk myself into another poker tournament, this time at one of those goofy fraternal orders of moose or eagles or VFWs, so kind of place like that. Entry fee was 35 bucks, so a less bitter pill. I arrived with my lucky shirt on, which was a St. Louis Blues hockey jersey for Barrett Jackman -- I still have this jersey, but it is no longer lucky (the jersey was lucky because, when I wore it to my friends games, I tended to do well). I get assigned my seat, they shuffle up and deal, and my first hand is A-Q suited. And that is a strong hand. See, going in, I was determined not to be the first person out. I was going to play consersatively, wait for the time to pounce, and the tabled folded around to me, so I called the bet. Some guy after me raised quite a bit, and I called him. Now, I don't remember the flop exactly, but it was something like Q-10-10. So I had two pair, and top kicker (I'm not going to explain the poker terms..go here to be briefed). A strong hand, I felt pretty damn good. Now, the guy who bet after me bet again, and it was a lot. Like, way too much. So, my poker instincts said, a-ha, that man is lying...if he had three of a kind, he would have bet less, to entice me to call him. So I called his overbet, thinking I was very smart. The next card was a 4, or something like that. He bet again, this time even more, so I think, no-no, sir, you are still a liar, and I have you by the balls. The last card is the last ten. So on the board we have Q-10-10-4-10. And the guy goes all in.

So, now I'm thinking, okay, he clearly doesn't have a ten, because if he has four tens, then why overbet it, that makes no sense. And, I now have a full house, so fuck that guy. I figured that at best he has a Queen, same as me, so we split the pot...and with so many people playing (there were to people at the table) how could be possibly have the last ten in the deck. So I call him. We flip over our cards. I show my full house, he shows A-10. So the fucker did have the case four. Only card that could have beat me. Now, this is a good time to remind you that this was my first hand. I was knocked out of the tournament on the first hand.

That loss stung a little. But I laughed it off. What could I do? I did have a full house after all...right? Right? No. I should have folded. I was dumb. Very dumb. Right when that guy went all in...I should have folded....because, who the hell goes all in on the first hand? Morons, that's who. And I guessed that guy a moron...turns out I was wrong. I didn't play poker with strangers for a good long while. I don't remember how long exactly, but the next time was at a casino in St. Louis after a John Kerry rally. I lost 40 dollars, 42 dollars if you count the money I had to give a hobo to quit hassling me. And, out of my friends who sat down at this low-limit table with me, I was the first one out. And since my friends were my ride, and I had no interest of blowing more money at the casino, I sat in a chair near the poker table, and waited for my friends to either lose or cash-in. I sat there, I believe, for about an hour...staring at, well, the backs of those skilled enough to stay in the game. My friends lost, and we left...praise be to god.

So, what has that got me? Well, I own some poker chips. I own an impressive amount of playing cards. I own that useless goddamn Phil Helmuth book. I haven't played poker in over a year, even with my friends, but I'll still watch it on TV. So, chances are I'm pretty damn awful at it, but that doesn't seem like that much of a change, even after all that money and time. Jesus...that's depressing.

Viva el mustache