E Pluribus Mustache

Government related mustaches are a tragic thing because of the leaders who wore them. Stalin...Hitler...Hussein...Grover Cleveland. In fact, the last great mustachioed leader of the United States was Teddy Roosevelt. He was a friggin' man. He was a Rough Rider...he got shot during a speech and he brushed it off. He found out he was President while he was on top of a mountain. He was a man...and a hard mustache to live up too. However, thanks to the Colbert Report, I've learned that there is another mustachioed leader lurking in the halls of the House of Representatives. His name is Eliot Engel and he serves the 17th District of New York. Rather than posting pictures of Rep. Engel here, check out his site: Mustachioed Representative. So B.O.M.M. proudly awards you, Eliot Engel with the inaugural "Mustache of Freedom" award. Congratulations!

True, there are other mustaches in the government. Namely, John Bolton...the US Ambassador to the United Nations. He's a fuckstick. Sure, that's not quality political discourse, but, hey...do recess appointments deserve intellectual debate? Plus, we here at B.O.M.M know a fuckstick when we see a fuckstick...and he is one of the more fuckstickiest of fucksticks in the Bush Administration. Take a peak:

Golly...such fuckstickery. He's purported to be a bully, a treaty killer, and works poorly with others. Fantastic person to have on a global body meant to come together to find peaceful solutions to problems. Anyways, take a good look at this guy. How old is he? 67? And he's wearing his class ring? Josten's must own his ass...OR...he graduated from college or high school in the past 4 years. Plus, the only reason to wear those rings is to punch people in the head. We don't need a fuckstick head-puncher in the U.N. If he isn't punching heads...then he must be a pawn for class-ring lobbyists. And, you know...they sell hair color for mustaches, too. He must not have browsed around Wal-Mart enough. Or perhaps he has a vendetta against Keith Hernandez and won't use his products. Either way, we here at B.O.M.M will not stand for anyone who does not stand with Keith Hernandez. Against Keith...against us. So, Mr. Bolton...shave off your mustache! We shall be waiting for your mustacheless photo soon as he joins Michael J. Falcetti as the second recipient of the Mustache Revocation Notice.

It should also be said that while Rep. Engel is keeping the mustache respectable in the House...the Senate is completely mustacheless. Why? I blame this guy: Senator Rick Santorum. This man believes that gay marriage will eventually lead to man/horse marriages. He also does not believe in personal privacy. And he just looks batshit crazy. We here at B.O.M.M have only but love and respect for the gay community, especially their undying support of the mustache, as proven here:

Santorum and his anti-gay agenda is, by extension, attempting to keep the mustache down. So, I say no to Rick Santorum. He's up for election this year, so nuts to him. Up with mustache, down with Santorum. A movement was started by sex advice columnist Dan Savage to equate the name Santorum to a sexual act...here is a site dedicated to the new definition of Santorum. If Santorum had a mustache, I would say he should also shave his off, but because of his fear of being considered in league with people like that shown above, he does not wear a mustache. And you know, Rick...we mustachioed people don't want you. I'm banning your mustache even before you start growing one. Rick Santorum, you are awarded with the inaugural B.O.M.M. Mustache Veto Award. So, Rick...eat it.

Viva el mustache.