Mustache 11th

Oliver Stone is an irresponsible filmmaker, mostly for perpetuating the second-shooter John Kennedy myth, and turning Tommy Lee Jones into a real over-the-top swishy guy, oh, and there's that Alexander mess...a blonde Alexander the Great...C'mon. Oh, and Natural Born Killers was an insane piece of who-knows-what...U-Turn was well, could have been better (it did have a naked Jennifer Lopez). Despite his mistakes, his pompous self-applied "controversial" label, and everything else...Mr. Stone has finally done something right...

Mustachioed heroes! Oh yeah! Now, this is a clip from his upcoming, controversial film, World Trade Center, based on...you guessed it...firemen doing the laundry. That's what that little cart is back there right? Maybe I've got this wrong...perhaps they are rescuing kitties stuck in the World Trade Center. Or, perhaps, Nic Cage has, um, 60 seconds to stop a plane full of criminals from sharing a lottery ticket with Cher. Or maybe it has something to do with stealing babies from a weapons dealer that lives on Alcatraz, but has had a face transplant from a cook in a local teen diner therefore triggering an emotional battle with alcohol and suicide.

With all that said, yes, he is taking his second turn as a first-responder, rescue guy. (remember that ambulance movie he made) I'm sure he's been a cop...hasn't everyone been a cop in Hollywood...so you know, he's essentially has now lived the fantasy life for a second grade boy (I wanna a Fire Man! No! A Police Man! No! An Am-bul-lance Man! Yah!) So, while Nic Cage enjoys his recess, I should point out that in this film...he has a mustache. Now, this isn't his first mustache grow, `cause he had one when he played the criminal with a heart of gold in Raising Arizona. Now, his mustaches have both been a symbol of his manliness.

Raising Arizona...doing whatever he can to save his marriage by giving his wife what she wants. What's more manly than saving your family unit? I'll tell you what...rescuing people from terrorists (see above photo). That's why he has a mustache. It clues the viewer into thinking that this isn't the guy who stole cars, or was a depressed weather man, or whatever crapdangle film he's squeezed out lately. He's a man. A heroic man, not just in action...but also in fashion sense. The audience easily believes his man-hero-action by the mustache he bears. Sounds silly? Look behind ole Nic in that photo. Two other mustaches! It's a goddamn mustache rescue party. Ten bucks says that the non-mustache guy bites it in the film first. They'll probably all die, but that mustacheless scrote-rubber will get splattered by some debris right quick. Why? He's the least manly of them rescue men, so...that baby's gotta go with the bathwater, you understand. Plus, killing a character adds weight...blah, blah, blah. He might as well be the black guy in a horror flick or a moron with a red Star Trek shirt. Boys gonna die first.

So, Nic Cage, we here at B.O.M.M. award you with the inaugural Best Mustache in a Movie that Will Garner Buzz for its "Controversial" Topic 2006. (Flight 93, another movie based on the terrorist attacks of 2001 comes out this year as well...it will probably be historically inaccurate because the terrorist flew the plane into the ground, not the passengers...so whoever it is that made that movie will get his own mistake to perpetuate...anyways, 2006 looks to be shaping up like the year of the terrorist in film)
Congratulations, Nic! We here at B.O.M.M hopes this check cashes so you can get back to doing what we all love...Michael Bay Blow-Em-Ups (but it's not like this movie won't have explosions...hmm)

Viva el mustache!