The 600 Dollar Tax Lesson

Friends,

Let's get right down to it, unless I've really messed up the math on my taxes (I am re figuring as soon as I finish this post), which is possible I admit, Emily and I owe the federal government around 600 bucks in taxes this year. Now, how is that even remotely possible? Doesn't seem right does it? I live an uncomplicatedly poor revenue lifestyle. No investments. No house. No strange rich people problems that were getting all those Obama aides in trouble. No, sir. Just every two weeks, Emily or I would get a check, then we would save it and spend it accordingly, wait two more weeks, and repeat the process. That's it. So, how (oh god how) did that kind of fiscal simplicity turn into 600 plus bucks in the hole? Well, I figured it out.

Emily and I have worked something like 6 different jobs in the past year. None of them particularly well paying. But we were still paid nonetheless, so federal taxes needed to be taken from our checks. Obvious and simple enough. And when we filled out our W4 forms to sign up for our money to be given to the governemtn, we checked married because, we are indeed married, which means that more than likely for each W4 we said we had two dependents, (one for me, one for her) because looking around this apartment, there's only two of us, and we clearly depend on each other, so two dependents is accurate. However, right there is where the mistake was made. Big time.

See, all of our jobs paid very little. So if you are paid very little from a job, say 300 dollars a paycheck and you claim two dependents, they don't take out very much in taxes, if any at all because you make so little it doesn't qualify for a two-dependent person. That's just the way they roll. But, say you have another job that pays 300 dollars a paycheck, with also two dependents, they don't take out much taxes either because that's how they roll as well, nice guys like that because they want you to be able to eat and pay for gas to come to work. But, see the problem is, in the eyes of the government you made 600 dollars total, so you owe them 600 bucks worth of taxes no matter how many sources it came from. However, your two jobs combined did not take out 600 dollars worth of taxes from your checks because you earned so little money from each respective employer. Do that same math but extend it to four more employers for a whole year, with little with holdings because of little pay...see where this is going? Combine them all, as the federals see it, and you get a greater tax burden than what was paid out.

Therefore, by the end of the year you are fucked even though nothing was really done wrong. The jobs didn't screw up because they aren't paying you much, so they aren't going to withhold much per regulations. And Emily and I filled out the forms right. Nothing really seems to have been done wrong but we still owe a bundle (except maybe my math, which I will go over again).

So that's the lesson I learned today. So if married and poor, stuck working multiple jobs, claim one person at most and agree for the federales to take an additional bite of the check because otherwise you wind up owing one stiff fucking tax bill by the end of the year. Well, I'll be sure not to have this happen this year, if I can help it.

Oh, and I haven't figured the state ones yet, so this could mean more money out. (Gulp.) And combine this joy of joys with that other health insurance debt I incurred, this is close to 2,000 dollars in surprise debt that has arrived in the past 3 weeks without anything really happening.

Goddamn.

viva el mustache