April 24, 2009

Dickstache (For Tom)


Here's the skinny about Rick Ankiel. He's the great pitcher turned wild-as-hell pitcher when his pops was arrested for drug dealing in Florida (I believe that's the case) and couldn't handle the mental anguish. Next, he took a couple years getting hurt, then decided to go play the outfield because the boy's an athlete.

This year he's in the majors, on the cusp of his first big time contract and playing damn near everyday in the St. Louis Cardinal outfield. He also, at least according to the Post Dispatch, changed his name to Dick.

It's part of his growing up. For a long time, one of his nicknames around the Cardinal blogospheres was "Teen Idol" and a lot of people call him "Ricky." But now he's a man. A man, man, man. So he's going by Dick. To help prove his man-prowess, he grew a beard.

Well, we here at BOMM know that beards are for hobos, imprisoned psychopaths, contest participants, indie rock stars and college students who want to look like indie rock stars. It's not a man-statement it's a "fuck it, I'm too lazy to shave" statement.

Mustache though? Mustache is commitment. Mustache is devotion. Mustache is craft. It shows how serious to take the manliness statement in order to sculpt the marble of a beard into the David of a facehairs. I've said this all before. I've extolled the virtues and power of mustache. But, rarely have I been able to talk about a Cardinal mustache. And thanks to Dick Ankiel, and his quest for maniliess (and his shitty start to the year) went mustache. Of course he's playing better now. Obviously. Here's a photo (from the Post Dispatch, I believe) and a link to the story that Tom sent me prodding me to post this little bit.

Now, what you have to ask yourself, baseball fans. What if mustaches catch on in the Cardinal clubhouse and everyeone grows one. All of them have the surge of manliness...including Albert Pujols? Would the league require he not have a mustache, just out of fairness to opposing pitchers?

viva el mustache


Emily said...

See, in this case, I think the mustache might be counter-productive. Especially with the look on Dicky's face there.

Flynn said...

Is Dick a douche?

(OMG, my word verification is palin.)

GMACD said...

Rick or Dick's "stache" was absent on Sunday's game I think he shaved it off or partially off.