August 6, 2009

Change of Course


I hope I'm not repeating myself here, but I have another male bathroom conundrum.

It is the typical small public bathroom. One stall. One urinal. And you, the man in the bathroom with thoughts of relief, need to pee.

Alas, the urinal is in use by some other dude. So, you gotta rock it like you're at home and into the stall's toilet.

Now, while entering the stall, you notice that the man who was peeing at the urinal has left. So you can, if you want, pee in the urinal, freeing up the stall for anyone who needs to drop one.

However, you are entering the stall.

Here lies the problem.

Do you change course, leave the stall and go to the urinal...or do you follow your momentum and pee in the toilet?

And, if you change course, f that's okay with you, when is the event horizon of changing course? Like is closing the door enough to make you commit fully to peeing in the stall, even if the urinal becomes open, or is it later? Like if you have addressed the toilet bowl, zipper is still up, and then the guy leaves the it okay then to abandon the stall?

What do you think?

viva el mustache

ps...this doesn't have much to do with anything but there's this guy at my job who has the widest piss stance there is...he's the jeff bagwell of he's readying himself just in case a typhoon swirls in and tries to knock him over sideways...or maybe he's just a larry craig fan...and every time i find myself in the bathroom while he's in there at the urinal, i think "man, i got to tell someone about this guy taking a stance like he just might piss tar instead of pee so he needs to ready himself of mind and body just in case" and now i have...but what the hell am i doing watching this dude?


Jorge said...

The point of no return is when you lock the door behind you.
Another thing to take into account is if the guy is a slow retreater. That is, how long does it take him from ceasing the urinate to the sink (hopefully) to wash his hands? Some guys flush and then take forever to put everything back and remove themselves from the scene. It'd be too awkward to decide to change course only to find out the guy is a slower finisher. Then what? You stand there, thinking, "Well, I was going to use the urinal in case someone had a defcon 2 emergency, but now I'm going to stand here like a creep watching him pack up."
Here's a situation for you to ponder. You go into the bathroom. Say two urinals and a can. All are taken up by urinators. The dude in the stall is going sans door closed. No biggie. But you have a defcon 2 situation brewing. Of course you have to wait and of course the two urinal jockeys are done first. So you have to wait. The stall guy finally finishes and, as he's packing up, he notices you standing there. Now, here's the weird part: The dude pisses on the seat. But he doesn't wipe it off. It is obvious that you are waiting for the stall so you're probably going to be sitting. As he walks out he says, "Sorry about the seat. It wouldn't stay up." Should this douche bag have wiped up after himself or was it ok to leave, even though he knew he was going to be busted? Or, a better question, should you just whip it out and piss on him?

Luke said...

Here's the answer. When in this situation, I urinate with the stall door open. Why? Just in case some dude comes in with, as Jorge says "a defcon 2 situation brewing." He rushes towards the stall, only to find you with your back facing him. Normally, this would make somebody furious, but your body language tells him that you are a serious-business man, and you aren't going to stand there in the stall doing god knows what while he squirms in misery. Besides, taking a piss should be over in less than 45 seconds. He can gut it out.

In answer to Jorge: He should have done it himself.

Word Verification: anteride

Ande said...

If I'm heading to the toilet, I just keep going, no matter what the urinal guy does. I make my decision and go for it, consequences be damned.

Philly Baby said...

If it's just me in the bathroom after PissDude#1 leaves, I say to hell with it and finish at the toilet. But, there in lies the rub--say "defcon 50" guy comes barging in desperate for relief (and God knows, I been there) and he sees you taking your sweet time (45 seconds Luke? Damn, that's Olympian speed, I'd feel a little embarrased.

But, what happens when the bathroom set up is one stand-up stall and one toilet, but the toilet is halfway to the floor like some second-hand grade school leftover? Do you then move from the comfort of a toilet to the little-kid stall and hunker down like your about to squat your way out of your pissing conundrum?

GMACD said...

I say go to the stall anyway. Holding it in can be dangerous I myself experienced this a few years ago.
I walked up to the urinal in a gas station after having been driving for two hours and not taking a break. I passed out and woke up on the floor. Funny thing was I didn't pee all over myself.
Anyway, start the course and stay it.